


The Road To Hell

by lyndin_junes



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Hadestown, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Harm, Shadow confrontation, Suicide, easily my most self indulgent au, me? projecting? never, souyo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28378374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyndin_junes/pseuds/lyndin_junes
Summary: Drowning in the depths of his grief over Saki's death, Yosuke makes a drastic and devastating decision, earning himself a one-way ticket to Hades. Those who go there don’t come back—but if Souji can find his way there and trust in the bond they share, maybe the tale will turn well out this time.Note: You don’t need to have listened to the musical Hadestown before reading, though I can’t recommend it enough!I'll be sure to note which chapters are based on songs in chapter notes!
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji
Comments: 72
Kudos: 40





	1. maybe it will turn out this time

**Author's Note:**

> ⚠️WARNING⚠️: Please be aware that this fic has some potentially triggering content, including suicide/graphic self-harm that results in major character death(s).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add a preface so that it's not INSTANT sad boi hours. Hopefully this gives some context to the story, as well!
> 
> UPDATE 1/20: Realized I *totally forgot* to even talk about Hades and Persephone even though they're super important, lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is loosely based on the very first track of Hadestown, which is called--you guessed it--"Road to Hell" B)

Throughout the history of humankind, there have been myriad tales of love that make the world go ‘round. One love in particular comes to mind--the love of Orpheus, son of the muse Calliope, and Eurydice, a hungry young girl who turned her back to the world. Orpheus knew he was in love with Eurydice the moment he saw her, and Eurydice, once as cold to the world as it was to her, fell in love with Orpheus in spite of herself. 

There was yet another love of great importance that was inextricably entangled with the thread of Orpheus’ and Eurydice’s fate. It was a love that drove the cycle of the seasons and made the world itself go ‘round--it was the love of Hades and Persephone. The first time Hades saw Persephone all alone against the sky, she walked up above the underworld in her mother’s green fields--he fell in love with her instantly.  When Persephone moved to the underworld to be with Hades, her mother, Demeter, was overcome with rage; her fury threw the seasons out of balance, and spring or fall refused to come anymore. It was either blazing hot or freezing cold, and without a chance to plant or harvest crops, millions of people fell victim to starvation. 

Even the ruler of the underworld was moved by their plight, so King Hades agreed that for half of each year, she would stay with him there in his world down below. But the other half, she could walk in the sun--and the sun in turn burned twice as bright.  But Hades desperately missed his wife when she was gone, and feared that she’d never come back--after all, who in their right mind would want to spend their life in a literal hell on Earth? With each passing year, he came for her sooner and sooner--in turn, Demeter retaliated, and crops froze over in the bitter cold or wilted in the blazing sun. The resulting scourge of famine devastated the masses once more. 

Orpheus slaved over the song that was meant to bring the world back into tune, desperate to bring springtime back to the world; he became so fixated on his work that he failed to notice Eurydice as she succumbed to hunger and the bitter cold of winter. He had failed to protect her. Driven by his guilt and longing to have her by his side again, he followed Eurydice to the end of the earth--to Hades, where she had come to rest her weary soul. 

There, he sang his song of love for the hard-hearted ruler of the dead, Hades. He was so moved he allowed the lovers to try and return to the world above together; however, he crafted a trial to prove their trust in one another. If Orpheus failed, Eurydice could never leave the underworld, and he could not come back to save her ever again. Alas, Orpheus’ faith in Eurydice failed him, and he was doomed to leave his love behind.

Though their love withered from the cruel caprice of death, such a love bloomed once again thousands of years later in the small town of Inaba, Japan. This time, it was the shared love of two boys, Souji Seta and Yosuke Hanamura, that would bring the world back into tune--but only if only they, too, believed in their love and trusted one another with all their hearts. 

Souji was a quiet, composed young boy who had come to the small town of Inaba when his parents left Tokyo on business. He had known the sting of loneliness, and he hadn’t expected things to be any different just because the scenery had changed; it was much to his surprise when he fell for Yosuke the moment he plucked him out of an adversarial trash can. He doted on Yosuke more than the average friend was supposed to, but Yosuke was almost entirely oblivious to his oblivious affection for him. 

Yosuke was a cheery, mercurial young boy who found himself the subject of the entire town’s scorn; he was the prince of Junes, after all, and Junes was the scourge of all things sacred to Inaba. He came to hate the town that held him prisoner and came to hold himself with almost as much disdain as the rest of the town. Before Souji arrived, there was only one person he could trust to treat him with a modicum of kindness--Saki Konishi. 

He was devastated when she was murdered, but he found solace in the company of his confidant, Souji. The two were fast friends, and they soon became inseparable--so inseparable that Yosuke came to call Souji his partner in no time at all. Yosuke’s conscious self failed to notice that he’d fallen in love with Souji in spite of himself--in spite of his grief. 

Unbeknownst to them, the two would soon embark on a fateful journey much like Orpheus’ and Eurydice’s. The tale is tragic, of course, as this tale always is. Nonetheless, the tale must be told in spite of the pain it brings--after all, maybe it will _finally_ turn out well this time.


	2. amen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on “Amen” by Amber Run because I'm a glutton for punishment with my music, too.
> 
> ⚠️WARNING⚠️: This chapter includes graphic depictions of self-harm. If you would like to skip this chapter, I will leave a non-graphic summary of what happened in the notes at the end of the chapter.

It was a cool night in November, and a pensive Yosuke found himself wandering to the Samegawa Riverbank in hopes of clearing his head. He had finished yet another grueling shift at Junes, which never failed to remind him just how generally disliked he was in this town--sure, he had his dear friends on the Investigation Team, but it was still difficult to shake the weight of the whole town's distaste for him. To this day, customers still eyed him with outright disdain and exchange whispers as, low enough that Yosuke couldn't make out their words but vitriolic enough that he was _grateful_ he couldn't. It was quite late, so he was met with solitude when he arrived at his favorite spot along the bank. He crouched at the river’s edge and sat with a blank stare, his mind awash with anguish. He was never able to put the day Saki-senpai was found dead out of his mind; eventually, he just couldn’t healthfully cope with the undying grief anymore. As much as Souji’s support through the ordeal meant to him, their heartfelt talks never seemed to soothe his soul quite enough; all he could do to keep from slipping into a crippling depression was transmute his sorrow into something more... tangible.

He had started small, leaving only small, shallow cuts that were so diminutive they could easily be mistaken for a scratch from the stray cats he and Souji liked to feed together. As time went on, though, his skin hungered for more, almost as if all his anguish couldn’t flow out of him unless he cut more often and deeper than he had before.

“Hey Saki-senpai… I came here to talk to you,” he explained. He fidgeted with the trusty razor blade he kept in his pocket as he began to speak. “I’ve been thinking way too much, and I’ve just got some questions I wanna ask you…”

“T-this probably sounds dumb--thank god there’s no one around to hear--but… are those real angels in the magazines? Is there a heaven? I figured you’d know now that you’ve been there… or at least I hope that’s where you are.” 

He turned his forlorn gaze up to the sky, where lackadaisical stars twinkled above him.

“Is… is there a God up there? And if there is, where does He hide?” Yosuke questioned flatly. “If He _is_ there, He sure isn’t with me… it just always feels like the devil is raging inside my mind. 

“A-and… is there ever a moment where it all makes sense? I never even got to say goodbye… does it ever not feel like the end?”

He sat in a long silence as he pondered his questions for her; suddenly, his expression contorted into one of pained fury.

“Sometimes I can’t help blaming you... for leaving me here, Saki-senpai. Why did it have to be _you_ that found Miss Yamano? It’s not like you asked for this to happen, but what the hell am I s’posed to do?” 

He cast his crestfallen gaze down to the river in front of him, the water coursing along like the blood in his veins. “There’s plenty to do with the investigation… there’s my friends… hell, I’ve even turned to booze before, but… we both know that won’t be enough.”

His voice suddenly crescendoed into a strained, suppressed wail as he continued. “I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind, but I swear I see you in the daytime at Junes, and I hear you at night--the way you used to laugh at all my lame jokes…” He suddenly squeezed his eyes shut as he continued with a yelp “Wh-whenever I try to sleep, there’s a… pale imitation of your smile burned in my eyes!” 

He turned his face back toward the moonlit sky as he continued, choking back tears as he did “Saki-senpai… I don’t wanna be here anymore. I don’t know what to do,” he whispered, his suddenly stolid expression sullied by the tears that had streaked down his cheeks. “Sometimes, I’d rather be dead… At least then I’m with you,” he whispered, almost like a prayer.

With this, he deftly pulled the blade out of his pocket and dragged it up his forearm with more force than he had ever mustered; hot blood quickly spilled across his pallid skin from deep within his flesh and flowed eagerly into the cool waters below. 

A small, sad smile flickered onto his face as the pain set every nerve in his body alight; despite the hurt, a wave of peace washed over him as he whispered: “Amen.” 

He uttered the word over and over, until his broken voice grew to an unbridled, reverent scream. 

_Amen,_

_Amen,_

_Amen,_

_Amen,_

_Amen,_

_Amen,_

_Amen._

He grew dizzy surprisingly fast, no doubt a result of the rapid blood loss. He collapsed backward from his seated position, suddenly lying prone on the ground. He watched the stars above grow hazy as his vision wavered in and out of focus; all he could hear was the slow thumping of his own heart as it traitorously robbed him of his blood with every beat. The bright crimson fluid rapidly pooled beneath him, flowing out of him like the steady current of the Samegawa. He laid there for what felt like an eternity, his mind muddled and his senses dulled. 

“ _YOSUKE!?”_ he heard a sudden, desperate cry. Before he knew it, Souji was hovering over him, his face contorted in shock and horror. Yosuke tried to meet Souji’s intense stare with his hazy, half-lidded eyes, but he could not for the life of him focus on the silver-haired boy gazing down at thim.

“P-partner,” he squeaked, “I’m… I’m so sorry…” he trailed off, his head growing lighter by the second.

“Yosuke, _please,_ you need to stay awake,” Souji pleaded, his voice broken by frantic breaths. Yosuke noticed that he had ripped off his dress shirt and had tied it around the gaping wound on his forearm, ostensibly in an attempt to slow his bleeding. He pressed against the gash with all his might, and the heightened sensation and pain made Yosuke feel a little more alert. 

“W-we need an ambulance at the fishing hole at the Samegawa Riverbank, m-my friend is bleeding out,” he explained urgently; he had dialed emergency services while tending to Yosuke’s wound. “Please, _hurry_!” Souji yelped, his silver eyes wide with fear and flooded with tears. Even in his stuporous state, Yosuke was surprised to see his partner so uncharacteristically emotional.

Seeing Souji like that, Yosuke was suddenly overcome by soul-crushing guilt and stinging regret. ‘ _What the hell am I doing, trying to leave my best friend behind like this, just like Saki-senpai did to me?’_ he thought, surprisingly lucid considering the state of his waning consciousness. 

He felt as Souji frantically shook Yosuke and babbled incoherently, the nonsense occasionally punctuated by what Yosuke barely recognized as his own name. Souji’s horrified and devastated face was the final image he saw, and the last thing he heard was Souji cry out his name. Despite all of Souji’s efforts to keep him awake, he just couldn’t hold on anymore; Yosuke whimpered as he slipped into cold nothingness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurt so much to write T-T fingers crossed this will all be worth it in the end.
> 
> SUMMARY: Yosuke self-harms along the Samegawa while lamenting Saki’s death, and he loses a dangerous amount of blood. Souji finds him just before he loses consciousness.


	3. waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Investigation Team congregates at the hospital, anxious for Yosuke to pull through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No song for this one!

As Yosuke faded from consciousness, Souji couldn’t help himself from hysterically cradling him in his arms. He shook him Yosuke violently and squeezed his gushing wrist in a tight fist; somehow, it appeared as if he was trying to  _ beat  _ the life back into him. His warm blood--all too much of it--puddled where the wound pressed and gushed against Souji's skin, and it sent a chill down his spine. Yosuke--his beloved partner--was  _ dying  _ in his arms. 

At first, Souji could do nothing but clench Yosuke fervently against his bare chest. His bloodshot eyes quivered as he stared into Yosuke's, which weren’t meeting his gaze--the spark of life behind them was dying. Souji was at a complete and utter loss; he barely noticed when the ambulance arrived, frozen in a state of catatonic shock. 

‘Yosuke is _dying,’_ Souji’s mind droned, the solitary thought resounded deafeningly within Souji’s mind. 

The paramedics allowed him to ride with Yosuke in the ambulance during transport; they painstakingly stitched his wound, placed him on oxygen and worked to resuscitate him. They did their best to suppress the bleeding, but they determined that he had already lost a dangerously significant amount of blood already. Souji didn’t know what to do; he sat completely unmoving with his eyes fixed on Yosuke’s blank face until they finally reached the hospital.

When they arrived, triage nurses hurried Yosuke toward the emergency room; in their transport, they soon crossed paths with Dojima and the rest of the Investigation Team. Souji barely noticed their presence--he was too hellbent on following Yosuke into the emergency room, but to his dismay, a strong hand swiftly gripped his wrist and stopped him short. He watched in horror as Yosuke was carted away and disappeared behind the menacing doors of the ER.

“Souji, you need to calm down,” Dojima ordered, squeezing his wrist. “I got in touch with everyone as soon as you told me what was going on; the Hanamuras will be here soon. We’ll wait here with you while the doctors figure out what to do.”

Souji couldn’t bring himself to say anything in response; all he could muster were a series of shallow, frantic breaths, his body still wracked with shock from what had transpired. He hardly noticed that he was still shirtless and very much covered in Yosuke’s blood; of course, everyone else did, and they worked to clean him up as they tried to console their leader. 

“I’m sure you’re in a considerable amount of shock, but Dojima is right,” Naoto proclaimed, her remarkably calm voice at odds with her solemn expression.

“We’re all worried for him,” Yukiko began, her face riddled with concern. “But, more than anything, we need to be strong for him.”

“Gah, but still, I can’t believe he’d do something like this! What the  _ heck _ , Yosuke!?” Chie yelped, wincing painfully.

“Yeah honestly, what the hell man!? I know things are real tough sometimes, but why the hell would he do this!? It’s not cool tryin’ to leave us all behind like that, dammit!” Kanji yelled angrily.

“I know we’re all confused and hurt, but blaming him isn’t gonna get us anywhere,” Rise argued, her brows furrowed and lips parted slightly in a show of indignation. “We have to believe he’s gonna pull through this!”

Souji gradually came back around as his friends spoke. He soon noticed that Teddie, loquacious as he typically was, hadn’t said a word; he had crumpled into a heap on a nearby bench, his neck craned away from the rest of the team in such a way that his face was completely obscured. Of everyone here, Souji was sure that no one knew his pain as well as Teddie did; he approached him and gingerly took a seat beside him. The two boys simply sat in silence for a few moments, until Teddie finally began to speak.

“Sensei…” he began, his voice small and wrought with sadness. “Is Yosuke… going to go to Heaven?”

Souji was taken aback by the question; it was something he simply hadn’t  _ wanted _ to consider. He hadn’t wanted to admit that there was a chance his partner wasn’t going to pull through. 

“I don’t know, Teddie,” Souji admitted with a sigh. “I pray that he gets to stay with us here, instead.”

“W-why, sensei? Why would he leave us like this?” Teddie implored, his eyes welling with tears. “Did Teddie do something wrong?”

“No, Teddie, this isn’t your fault at  _ all _ ,” Souji insisted. “If anything, this is all my fault… what kind of friend doesn’t notice that his best friend is in so much pain?” his voice grew louder as he continued. “What if I didn’t do enough to save him!?”

Teddie drew back from Souji, fearful and confused. Souji noticed as he withdrew and drew in a ragged breath.

“I’m sorry, Teddie, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m just… so angry at myself,” Souji muttered, his eyes watering furiously. 

“It isn’t just you, Sensei,” Teddie replied. “Even with my beary good nose, I couldn’t sniff out all his sadness.”

He sniffled as he continued, his cheeks stained with streaking tears. “Teddie is a beary bad little brother!”

Souji’s eyes flew open wide at his remark--he’d never heard Teddie refer to himself as Yosuke’s family before, but Souji could tell that Teddie’s brotherly affection for Yosuke was sincere. He smiled sadly at the blond boy.

“You’re not a bad little brother, Teddie,” Souji remarked. He took a deep breath, realizing that he needed to be strong for the both of them right now. “Maybe we’re being too hard on ourselves. Rise is right, we need to have faith. I believe in Yosuke; I don’t think he’s going to leave us behind like this.”

Teddie hiccuped and sniffled once again, turning to meet Souji’s empathetic gaze. The corners of his mouth turned up in a sad smile similar to Souji’s. “You haven’t ever let me down before, Sensei. I bear-lieve in you, so I bear-lieve in Yosuke, too” he declared with a hopeful glimmer in his eyes. 

Souji couldn’t help but giggle at Teddie’s beary charming idiosyncrasy, and soon enough the two boys were laughing through their tears. Soon enough, though, a heavy silence settled in the hallway like a thick fog, and the Investigation Team waited with bated breath for an update on Yosuke’s condition.


	4. the velvet train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eventually, Yosuke awoke to a sea of vibrant cobalt all around him. He appeared to be seated in the passenger car of a train, one similar in structure to those that frequented the Yasoinaba Station. A quaint aria resounded all around him, almost as if it were being played directly into his mind. He blinked languidly, still quite dazed by the ordeal that had come to pass. 
> 
> “Ah, it seems we have a guest whose fate has been all but sealed,” said the Long Nosed man. “Welcome to the Velvet Room, a place that exists between dream and reality--mind and matter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has a nod to Aria of the Soul buuuut that's it!

Eventually, Yosuke awoke to a sea of vibrant cobalt all around him. He appeared to be seated in the passenger car of a train, one similar in structure to those that frequented the Yasoinaba Station. A quaint aria resounded all around him, almost as if it were being played directly into his mind. He blinked languidly, still quite dazed by the ordeal that had come to pass. 

“Ah, it seems we have a guest whose fate has been all but sealed,” said the Long Nosed man. He wore a composed smile under his bulging, bloodshot eyes and jutting nose.

Yosuke blinked in shock, more than a bit awestruck by the sheer size of the man’s nose. He had _so_ many questions he wanted to ask the strange man, but he found that his mouth was frozen in fear.

“Welcome to the Velvet Room, a place that exists between dream and reality--mind and matter,” the Long Nosed man proclaimed. “My name is Igor. This is a room that only those who have forged a ‘contract’ of sorts may enter.”

Igor took a brief pause, gazing at Yosuke as if he were assessing him. “It appears that you are about to form a contract with death itself,” he admonished. 

Yosuke’s eyes flew open wide as he recalled the series of events that had brought him to this strange place. _‘_ That’s right… I-I…’ he gulped, wincing at his own thoughts. ‘ But, what the hell is with this weird train? None of this makes any sense, dammit…’

“It is perfectly understandable that you are confused, but do not fear--it is our duty to guide you through the fate laid out before you,” the blonde woman sat beside Igor interjected, almost as if she had heard Yosuke’s thoughts. “My name is Margaret.”

She smiled warmly at him; he felt his paralysis melted away, promptly shaking out his wrists and rolling his neck loose.

“This place may be transmogrified in order to suit the needs of its guests; it appears that this form best reflects the current state of your heart,” she explained. “On another note, we have been tasked with delivering you to Mr. Hades so that you may complete your contract with him.” 

“W-wait, _Hades_!?” Yosuke cried. “I’m not the best at history and stuff, but... isn’t he god of the dead?...”

“That is precisely correct,” Margaret replied. “Your soul currently exists in a liminal space between life and death. Soon, Hades will provide you with a one-way ticket to the Underworld, where you will serve as his thrall for all eternity.”

“Hah, so I guess I went too far this time?...” Yosuke muttered sadly. “B-but, wait, this all sounds _awful_! I want a damn refund!” 

“Unfortunately, you have left yourself with no other option for the time being,” she explained. “Your soul’s tether to your dying body is slowly unraveling, and you will soon be unable to exist among the living any longer. The completion of the contract will sever your ties to the world of the living altogether.” 

Yosuke gasped in shock and fixed his despondent gaze on the cobalt carpeting beneath his feet. “So, I… really _am_ going to die...” He was silent for a moment as he bitterly contemplated the mess he’d gotten himself into.

“I never thought that _this_ is what would happen when I died, y’know?...” he murmured. “I thought I’d just… stop existing, stop _feeling_ all the pain I was drowning in...“

He paused as he choked back the hot tears that burned in his eyes. “Or th-that I’d... get to see Saki again...”

“It can certainly be difficult to foresee the consequences of the actions we take; unfortunately, your miscalculation has all but sealed your fate. Hades is not wont to make compromises unless given a compelling reason,” Margaret explained equanimously. “When you sign the contract, your soul will be his forever.” 

“Nonetheless, dear guest,” Igor interjected. “I implore you not to capitulate to the cruel whims of fate just yet. Another path may indeed be open to you.”

Yosuke gawked desperately at the long-nosed man. “R-really? What do I need to do!? I’ll do _anything_!”

“You must trust in the power of your bonds,” Igor explained. “Or more precisely, you must place your trust in a particularly _strong_ bond of yours.”

Yosuke’s mind suddenly called forth an image of Souji--the same image that had burned itself in his hazy vision as he faded from consciousness.

“ _Partner!”_ he yelped. “Y-yeah, I want to see Souji again! H-how could I just leave him behind like this, the same way Saki-senpai did to me!?” He buried his face in his hands, anger coursing through his veins as he cursed his own selfishness. “P-partner, I...” 

“You appear to be denying a part of yourself, dear guest,” Margaret continued. “Until you are able to fully accept this part of yourself, your bond with him will not be able to save you.” 

Yosuke was a bit confused by the remark, which seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere. “Huh? What do you mean I’m denying a part of myself?? Didn’t stop doing that when I faced my shadow like, forever ago?” he asked.

“It is possible for you to have formed another Shadow,” Margaret replied coolly. “However, it is solely your responsibility to determine why your Shadow has come to exist once again.”

“C’mon, can’t you just give me a tiny hint!? And what can I even do about it when I’m as good as _dead_!?” Yosuke retorted, his deep frustration more than apparent. He tried to protest further, but he was cut off by the screeching of brakes as the train jolted to a halt. 

“My, it appears we have reached our destination already,” Igor chimed. “You will soon meet your contractor.” 

Yosuke tried in vain to swallow the lump that had taken up residence in his throat. “I… I don’t want to go!” he yelled. “I changed my mind, I don’t _want_ to be _dead_! I want to see m-my friends, my family, _Souji_...”

“All in due time, dear guest,” Igor interjected. “Though life is a march to the grave, it must not be undertaken without hope. Trust in your bonds, and make peace with yourself as you are.”

“W-wait, I--” Yosuke squawked. Before he was able to say much else, a hot white flash of light overwhelmed his vision and the blue room vanished all around him—his respite in the Velvet Room had drawn to a close. 

~ ~ ~

In the world above, the Investigation Team gathered in Yosuke's hospital room after the doctors determined he was in a stable, yet critical condition. Souji gently took his impossibly fragile hand in his; the wound had been stitched and his monitor beeped at a consistent pace, but he was deathly pale and his breaths were markedly shallow beneath his oxygen mask. His friends encircled him, holding out their all but futile hope that he was going to survive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least I warned you :c


	5. hey, little bullfrog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yosuke finally meets with Hades himself and makes his final life-or-death decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on “Hey, Little Songbird” from Hadestown.

Yosuke blinked away the lingering sting of the blinding flash, only to find himself surrounded by a profound and equally blinding darkness; though his eyes failed him, he sensed a powerful presence approaching.

”Wh-who’s there!?” he cried into the darkness.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” an impossibly deep, gravelly voice croned through the black. 

Yosuke wrenched his neck in the direction of the voice, and his eyes were met by the feeble flicker of a lantern that hadn’t been there a moment earlier. A hulking man in a rather posh pinstripe business suit soon slithered into the feeble light; his stony face was adorned with a small, calculating smile. 

"Hey, little bullfrog," the fearsome, yet tantalizing man crooned. “Aren’t you awful young to be dead? What a _pity,_ " he snickered.

Yosuke lacked the courage to muster an actual reply; instead, a pitiful croak slipped up through his throat as he gazed in terror at the man like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Cat got your tongue, boy?” the man chided. “Fine by me—the less you talk, the faster we can get these papers in order. I’m a busy man, you know.”

Yosuke gulped. “Y-you’re… Hades, yeah?”

“It seems my reputation precedes me” he sneered. “And I’d say _yours_ precedes you, too, young man. You did yourself in so that you could meet little old me in the flesh, didn’t you?”

“N-no, that’s not it at _all_!” Yosuke cried, suddenly emboldened and pissed off by the man’s brazen condescension. “And I changed my mind, anyway—I don’t _ever_ want a ticket to that hellhole of yours! I want to see my friends again, even if it means finally saying goodbye to Saki forever, laying all my pain to rest… I want to _live_!”

Hades chuckled. "I know something, little bullfrog...", Hades admonished. "You're _right_. You didn't even want to _die_ this time, did you, boy?

"You've slit your wrists many a-time just for a little relief from all that pain you felt over that Konishi girl. That you happened to _die_ this go around was... a happy accident at best," he said with a smug, wicked snicker.

"...Y-you know Saki?” Yosuke questioned evenly. “Is she _there?”_

"...Yes.” Hades replied. “I don’t always do this, little bullfrog, but since you seem to be on the fence about whether you want to be dead or not, I'll give you a choice.”

Hades paused with a smug grimace.

“You can go back to where you came from--to your so called 'friends', to a town that _hates_ you and always will--or you can come forget all your troubles with Saki and me down in Hadestown." 

Yosuke gasped in surprise, then winced in contemplation. Hades was absolutely right--if he chose to go back, he would definitely be returning to a general populace that was probably _glad_ to see him dead, and in his eyes, whether or not his friends would take him back was a gamble at best. He gulped painfully at the very thought of their rejection. "Y-you'd really let me go back? Just like that??"

"Yes, little bullfrog; my word is good," he assured in a smooth, bass voice. "You may leave if you choose to. I'll send you back right now—but first, please do consider the facts," he continued. 

"Do you think your precious friends want _anything_ to do with you after you threw your life away, like their friendship meant _nothing_ to you?” he accused. 

“I-I…” Yosuke trailed off, realizing he had nothing to say in rebuttal. ‘God damn it, he’s got me there...' he thought.

“And what good were those ‘friends’ to you anyway? They were too busy with their own damn lives to notice you were even _doing_ this to yourself, not even your _best friend_ in this god forsaken world!” he derided venomously.

“Th-they just had more important things to focus on… I totally get it,” Yosuke mumbled. “Everyone was working so hard to solve the murders, and Souji is always so busy with his hundreds of important jobs and his thousands of other friends that he just… didn’t have time for me anymore. He sighed, his eyes heavy with despair. “And I guess that’s fine, since I’m such a waste of breath, anyway.”

Hades loosed a low, frightful chuckle; he hadn’t expected it to be _this_ easy to win the boy over, and it would only get easier from here. 

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard about this ‘Souji’ of yours,” Hades replied. Jealous of him as you were, you thought him some sort of hero, no?"

“But where was this ‘hero’ of yours when his dear _partner_ needed saving?” he snarled.

Yosuke gasped, taken aback by how sharply the once endearing nickname for each other stung in his ears.

“Aren’t you tired, little bullfrog? Tired of hurting and feeling like you’re utterly worthless and forgotten, even by the person who means the most to you? Don’t you just want a nice, soft lily pad to rest upon?” Hades enquired, his voice replete with pity.

"Y-you're a real weirdo, you know that? I'm not a damn frog..." Yosuke muttered.

“I can give you that and _more,_ I promise you. Down in Hadestown, you won’t have to feel _anything_ at all,” he promised earnestly.

"You can even see that Konishi-girl you were so sweet on again. She's _waiting_ for you, Yosuke..." he remarked with a maniacal chuckle. 

Yosuke was silent for quite a while, lost deep in thought as he considered the points Hades had raised. How did he manage to touch on all his insecurities so aptly—so _professionally_?

"I... what the hell am I supposed to do in this situation!?" Yosuke cried.

"I could go back, but I don't have anyone to go back _to_ since my friends almost definitely hate me for what I’ve done...

"...Or I could see Saki again?" he paused pensively. 

_"_ And _Souji_ …’ he mumbled, nibbling his lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. “How didn’t you notice how badly I needed you, partner? Wasn't it gonna be the two of us through it all?? Would you care enough to even take me back after all the hell I put you through today?...”

He gulped down a ragged breath, his despondent stare fixed upon the cold earth beneath him. “...I said it myself—I blame Saki for leaving me behind... How can I ask you to forgive me after I did the same damn thing to _you_ , Souji?”

He stood in a long, tormented silence until he finally gave a definitive answer. “...Fine, Mr. Hades,” he whispered. “I’ll go.”

Hades’ lips twisted up in a wicked smile. “A _very_ good choice, little bullfrog. Now, would you kindly hop into my office?” he said, ushering him onto the nearby train that seemed to have materialized out of thin air. “We’ve got papers to sign.”

Yosuke gulped, allowing himself to be led onto the caboose. He stepped into the railroad car, which was decked out in a steampunk décor that shone with a sharp chrome finish. He sat himself across from Hades at the wrought iron desk in the center of the car as Hades deftly unrolled an aged-looking scroll and handed him a black quill pen. Across the top, the paper read ‘CONTRACT’ in beautifully ornate script. 

Yosuke felt his heart nearly pounding out of his chest, as if it were trying to flee from the body he would willingly doom to an eternity in hell.

“Go ahead, sign on the line; I don’t have all day,” Hades croaked, his voice even deeper and gruffer than before. 

Yosuke took the pen from his calloused hand; for a long while, the tip simply hovered precariously above the paper as he steeled himself against the fate he'd chosen for himself. _‘_ Well... I guess this is it.'

At long last, he signed his name on the line with a tentative stroke—he felt the nervous beating of his heart _halt_ altogether as he lifted the pen away from the paper. He clutched his chest in shock, desperately pressing his fingers to his neck as he tried in vain to find his own pulse.

“A pleasure doing business with you, little bullfrog,” Hades crooned, brusquely snatching the contract off the desk and disappearing into the seemingly endless line of cars ahead. With two deafening toots, the train lurched forward into the empty black ahead. 

Yosuke's fate had been sealed with inexorable ink--he'd _chosen_ this fate for himself.

At least for now. 

~ ~ ~

In the world six feet above, it had grown late; all of the Investigation Team except for Souji had returned home for the evening. He, however, had remained in Yosuke’s room and had nodded off in the chair near his bedside.

Suddenly, Yosuke gasped in a strangled breath—but Souji did not stir. 

”P-partner?...” Yosuke choked out. He could scarcely hold his eyes open enough to scan the room to try and meet Souji’s gaze.

Despite his desperate efforts, their eyes never met; Souji said nothing. He was asleep and far too emotionally exhausted from everything that had happened to be roused from his slumber.

The corners of Yosuke’s mouth twitched up into a pained wince, his voice faltering as he continued.

“I m-made a deal, and... I have to go now,” he whimpered. “We’ll always be partners--always were, always will be. God damnit, it hurts to leave you like this… but I’m just too sad to ignore the pain anymore, and I’m pretty sure we can’t be friends after putting you through all this…”

His breaths were impossibly shallow; the once steady beep of his monitor swelled, growing faster and dreadfully faster by the moment. “Are you listening?... P-please, Souji?...“ he sputtered. He didn’t have the strength to continue—he felt as if all the air in his lungs was drawn out of his body by force.

"P-partner?... Can you h-hear me?..." his strained whisper trailed off into a deflated, breathless groan, the muscles in his throat failing him entirely. 

In a matter of seconds, Souji’s ears were assaulted by a strident, unwavering drone. Innumerable lights flashed urgently on the monitor, but the first thing Souji’s sleep-crusted eyes could process was the flat, green line that cut through the very center of the screen like a knife.

The nurses finally arrived and swarmed Yosuke’s bedside as they tried to resuscitate him.

He shot to his feet and stared down at his partner in horror, but Yosuke’s half-lidded eyes did not meet his gaze. His amber irises, once bursting with the spark of life, were completely hollow. Souji staggered backward, only to fall onto his knees in a boneless heap after a few steps. Somehow, he knew there was _nothing_ they could do for Yosuke.

His dear partner was already gone. And he had _slept through it._


	6. litost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souji has a fateful encounter after fleeing to the TV World.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains lyrics from "Litost" by X Ambassadors.
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: There's a few changes I made (for various reasons) that I want to draw your attention to in case you read an older version of chapters 4 and 5.  
> \- Souji slept through Yosuke’s death (he was awake and supportive in earlier revisions of chapter 5)  
> \- Yosuke’s death was revealed to be more of an accident than a conscious decision.  
> \- Hades name drops Saki as one of his subjects in chapter 4—Yosuke knows she exists in Hadestown.

Souji remained collapsed on the floor for what felt like hours, lost in a despondent, catatonic stupor. Eventually, Sayoko made her way over to where he was and knelt beside him.

“I know this is hard, Souji, but you  _ need  _ to get up,” she insisted, helping him to his feet. “You’re gonna totally screw up your knees sitting like that!”

Souji was silent, his expression totally flat. It was almost like he was completely disconnected from his body, far too overwhelmed by shock to stay grounded to the very earth that had robbed him of his partner. 

“I think your friends are waiting for you; here, I’ll help you walk to them,” she offered, allowing him to lean on her as they trudged to where his friends awaited.

Sure enough, the Investigation Team--as well as Dojima, Nanako, and the Hanamuras--had gathered outside of the emergency room. Souji failed to notice that a certain blond haired, blue-eyed boy was not among their ranks. 

“We all came as soon as I got the call… I’m so sorry, Souji,” Dojima sighed. “You two were practically attached at the hip... I know how hard it can be to lose someone you’re that close to.”

Souji said nothing; he simply grit his teeth in reply. 

“Th-this can’t be happening… this isn’t  _ real  _ ! Yosuke, you  _ idiot _ ,” Chie cried.

“I can’t believe it either… he’s really  _ gone  _ ,” Yukiko whimpered. 

“God fucking  _ damn it _ !” Kanji bellowed, practically trembling with rage. “This is so fucking  _ unfair _ !" 

“How didn’t I notice that he was suffering so badly?... What kind of ace detective can’t deduce that their friend is hurting enough to do this to himself?” Naoto mumbled, her expression replete with guilt.

“I didn’t see it either, Naoto,” Souji confessed in a small voice, his eyes cast upon the ground. “And I was his best friend. If anyone should have noticed, it should have been  _ me  _ ... I-I... completely failed him…” 

Rise hadn't said anything at all; she had been taken prisoner by the visceral sobs and wails that wracked her entire body. 

“B-big bro?..." Nanako sniffled. "Yosuke-nii is in heaven now, right?"

Souji felt his breath snag painfully in his throat. “Y-yes, Nanako, that’s right…” Souji replied, remembering the talk he and Nanako had about her dearly departed mother many months back. 

“That means he’s with mommy now, and that means she’ll take care of him," she assured him with a sad smile between her tear-kissed cheeks. 

“I-I really do hope so, Nanako. B-but...” He could scarcely hold back his tears anymore--her words, so impossibly compassionate and thoughtful for such a little girl, had almost totally broken him.

'I don’t know. I don’t know  _ anything _ anymore! All I know is that he’s  _ gone  _ and there's  _ nothing _ I can do!' his voice screamed in his head. 

“I know how you feel, Souji,” a motherly voice squeaked behind him. Mr. and Mrs. Hanamura had made their way over to where the group had congregated. “I also know that your friendship meant the world to him--you made his life so much better while he  _ was _ here, she assured him through her tears.

Souji was almost ashamed to be comforted by Mrs. Hanamura of all people; he may have lost a dear friend, but she and Mr. Hanamura had lost their  _ son _ . 

Mr. Hanamura gingerly approached Souji from his wife's side. “We, um... want you to have these,” Mr. Hanamura choked, avoiding Souji’s gaze as he held out Yosuke’s beloved headphones. “We got these for him when we first came to Inaba; since you were his best friend here--probably  _ anywhere _ \-- I know he’d want you to have them to remember him by.” 

Souji graciously accepted the headphones with a solemn nod. “Thank you very much, Mr. Hanamura."

Mr. Hanamura simply nodded in return, then sauntered down the hall to the bathroom, ostensibly to find a more private place to grieve. 

Mrs. Hanamura’s brow had furrowed fiercely--she looked equal parts grief-stricken and deeply worried. “Have any of you seen Teddie anywhere?” she asked. “We haven’t seen him since he heard the news; he was absolutely heartbroken, the poor dear, and I’m worried sick about him...”

“I’m sorry, but I haven’t--I’ve been here ever since...” Souji whispered, trailing off as he did. 

“And thank you so much for that, Souji,” she cried softly, pulling him into a warm embrace. “Thank you for being with him in his final moments.”

B-but…” he choked, scarcely suppressing his urge to push her away. “I  _ wasn’t _ ."

'I was fast asleep. I was  _ asleep  _ while my best friend--my  _ partner  _ \--died all alone,' his own vitriolic voice whispered in his mind.

"I’m…” he trailed off, fending off soul-wrenching sobs with his final shreds of willpower. “I don't know how to live with myself after what I’ve done.”

And with that, Souji peeled himself out of Mrs. Hanamura’s arms and bolted away from where they all stood, runaway tears flying down his cheeks. His friends all cried out his name and chased after him, but their yelps and pleas didn’t register to Souji's completely dissociated mind. All he knew was that he needed to get  _ away _ \--maybe if he ran fast enough, he could outrun his guilt, his overwhelming grief, and the soul-crushing fate that had befallen him and his partner. 

His feet carried him all the way to the other side of the hospital of their own volition; he managed to duck into a vacant room before his friends could catch him. He doubled over, panting, in front of the sizable television set centered against the back room. He knew how dangerous it was to throw himself into the television from an unfamiliar location, but in his muddled, grief-stricken state, he simply didn’t  _ care _ \--he just needed to get  _ away  _ from everything.

With a sharp, capricious glare at his shaded reflection, he threw himself through the screen. 

~~~

When he came to, he found himself sprawled in front of the liquor store where he had helped Yosuke face his shadow many moons ago; it was rather convenient, since this is where his own tortured soul had begged him to take refuge. The building was still derelict and dreary as ever against the unsettling red and black stripes in the sky above; he made his way inside the dimly lit shop and took a deep gulp of the stagnant, boozy air.

Souji found himself completely alone--somewhere he could pour his heart out to the worn wooden floorboards beneath him in peace. Finally, he allowed himself to sob with reckless abandon.

“What have I done?...” he whimpered. “H-how didn’t I see all the marks on his arms?” His voice grew louder and more angry with each question he chucked at the barrels of liquor in front of him. “How didn’t I get through to him before it was too late!?”

He hiccupped, his whole body wracked with emotionally-charged shivers. “Yosuke, I... I was so afraid of losing you that I never told you how much I  _ loved  _ you. I was so afraid you’d push me away if I did, and yet… I lost you all the same,” he mused wistfully. 

He suddenly felt his face contort into a frustrated grimace. “And at the very least, I thought you  _ trusted  _ me, Yosuke...” he muttered. “How long must I have stayed with you when you were afraid to be alone? How long did I lay by your side on those nights when you couldn’t get her face out of your mind? But you still couldn't  _ tell me _ you were doing this to yourself!?"

Tears continued to flood his cheeks as he spilled his guts to the empty air. “I did everything I could to show you that I was your friend, your partner, and just…  _ yours…”  _ he whispered. “If you wanted, I'd say--no, I'd  _ swear-- _ that I'm yours. But now?... You’ll never be mine.” 

“That’s right, Souji” a voice snarled behind him. “He’ll never be  _ ours _ .” 

Souji snapped around to face the disembodied voice, only to find a fellow silver-haired boy with eyes of glowering gold towering in the doorway of the liquor store.

“But this love we harbor for a dead boy? It’s like a hole, Souji, and it  _ will _ swallow our soul if you let it. It’s just dragging us down,” Shadow Souji reasoned coldly. 

“Th-that’s…” Souji stuttered. He knew there had to be a modicum of truth in what his shadow was saying--at the very least, it meant that he’d thought such a thing in the darkest corners of his own mind. 

“And what on earth are you even  _ doing  _ about it now? Why play hide and go seek here in the TV world?” the shadow sneered with a sinister chuckle. “Does that bury your burden, Souji?”

“I just… I needed to get away from it all…” Souji whimpered pitifully. 

“Ah, trying to outrun all the  _ guilt  _ you’re feeling, is that it?” the shadow chided. “Well, there’s no need to feel guilty, Souji. You see, you played your part in this, but so did  _ he _ . He played a silly game, too, and he paid with his  _ life _ .” 

“Th-that... that doesn’t change anything about how I feel about him or myself.” Souji muttered. “I  _ did  _ let him down, and I'll never get a chance to fix my terrible mistake.”

Souji’s voice grew impassioned as he continued. “The first person I've ever loved with all my heart... is  _ gone _ . H-he’ll never know how I felt--and  _ still  _ feel--about him. My friendship and love just wasn’t enough to save him…” Souji trailed off tearfully. 

“But why do you  _ still _ want to love him, hmm? You must be out of your  _ mind _ to come back begging for more--more guilt, more pain, more  _ suffering _ \--all because you 'love' him,” The shadow’s face melted into a dark grimace as it continued. “Personally, I just can’t forgive him--because of  _ him _ , you and I will  _ never  _ be whole again.” 

“I… at the very least, I think you’re right about that,” Souji admitted. "I'll never be whole without him." 

He didn’t capitulate for long, however; he quickly met the shadow’s eyes with a resolute gaze as he continued. “But you’re  _ wrong  _ on all other counts. I already know what will happen if I deny you, but… I  _ refuse  _ to blame him for this. I must have blamed him at some point if you’re saying so, but with all due respect, I choose to reject those thoughts and to absolve him of guilt.”

Souji clutched the headphones around his neck tightly as he continued. “I  _ love _ him--I've loved him ever since I saw him squirming all alone in that trash can. When we became friends, I felt like I'd known him all along. I will  _ always _ love him, even if that love slowly poisons my soul. I'd follow him to the end of time--to the end of the  _ earth _ !”

Souji braced himself for an attack, a threatening chuckle,  _ some _ sort of retribution for acting against the most essential truth he'd learned about facing shadows:  _ Never _ reject your own. Instead, Shadow Souji looked as if he was at a loss for words--he simply stared at his ego counterpart, mouth agape and eyes blown wide open.

“You… you've reminded me of someone, Souji,” the shadow said as he was engulfed by countless flecks of light. Souji noticed that the shadow sounded almost nothing like him anymore--its voice had taken on a higher, more tender timbre. “You remind me of...  _ me _ . I've lived this story before.”

With a blinding flash, Shadow Souji vanished, and in his place stood something new. Souji’s eye was instantly drawn to the gargantuan lyre strapped to its grey, puppet-like frame. Its eyes shone a brilliant red against its pitch black complexion, which was framed by choppy white bangs and a dull crimson scarf. There was a deep sadness behind those vibrant eyes, the likes of which Souji had never seen from a Persona before--a profoundly  _ human _ sadness.

"I was once a man who fell in love with a woman... And I lost her, just like you lost Yosuke.” The Persona floated closer to where Souji stood so that the two entities--the two men?--were standing face-to-face.

“I'm Orpheus,” he said. “And I’m going to help you bring him home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up, eh? :3


	7. making a melody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orpheus helps Souji find his song through a precious memory of Yosuke--but something is missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I offer you some * f l u f f * in this trying time?
> 
> (But only a little, as a treat ;3)

“B-bring him  _ home _ ?” Souji gulped, utterly flabbergasted. 

“Or at least I’ll help you try,” Orpheus replied. “When the girl I loved--” he paused with a sad sigh. “When  _ Eurydice _ died, Hades let me try to bring her home. If you have a song, he might let you do the same, and--”

“S-slow down,” Souji interjected. “As much as I would love to bring him home, Orpheus, he isn’t…  _ anywhere. _ ” He gulped, trying desperately to swallow the lump that was tightening in his throat.

“No, he  _ is  _ somewhere. When people die, they go to a place called Hades,” Orpheus explained, somewhat frantically. “I’m actually not allowed to go back, but I’m a part of you now so I think it’ll work. I don’t remember the way, but Mr. Hermes knows. If we can find him, we can--”

“ _ Orpheus _ !” Souji shouted, much more sharply and impatiently than he’d intended to; the persona met his eyes with a startled jolt. Souji took a forcible breath. “Please,  _ slow down _ . What can  _ we _ \--just you and me--do  _ right now _ ? You said something about a song?

“O-oh, yes,” Orpheus replied meekly. “When I was a human, I wrote a song to bring the world back into tune and fix the cycle of the seasons. When I sang it, spring finally came, and Hades--he let us go.”

“Hades--he just let you  _ go _ when you sang for him?” Souji inquired.

Orpheus nodded. “My song, it was a song of love--a song about him and his wife, Persephone. I think let us go because it spoke to him--it made him feel something again. If you can write a song like that, he might let you and Yosuke go, too.”

“W-well, I don’t know much about Hades or Persephone and their love,” Souji mused anxiously. “And I certainly don’t know the first thing about writing songs.”

“But I do. And I’m you,” Orpheus remarked. “I’ll help you with the song. And I don’t think it needs to be about them; as long as your true feelings reach Mr. Hades, I think it should work.”

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it,” Souji nodded. “So, how do we write this song?”

“I’ll take care of the hard part; all I want you to do is think of a moment you and Yosuke shared that’s precious to you,” Orpheus instructed. “I’d say the moment you fell in love with him would work, but I don’t think singing about a boy rolling around a trash can is gonna do the trick.”

“Heh, fair enough,” Souji chuckled with a small grin. He thought fondly of that serendipitous moment--the way Yosuke had flailed and squawked so helplessly, the adorable look of surprise on his face when Souji plucked him out of the debris--and he realized that it was the first time he’d smiled since this whole ordeal had begun. Even from beyond the grave, Yosuke still found ways to make him smile. 

“Do you think he loved you too, Souji?” Orpheus asked earnestly. 

“...I don’t know,” he admitted with a wince. “I know he valued me as a friend, but I think he was just so hung up on Saki that loving someone else was the last thing on his mind, understandably so. And he just seemed… so  _ disgusted _ with Kanji’s channel and his shadow that I don’t think he could possibly be interested in another man.”

“Was there ever a moment you were almost sure he did?”

“W-well…” Souji stammered. “Yes.” 

“Just think of that moment--picture it in your mind,” Orpheus prompted.

Souji closed his eyes and guided his mind’s attention inward, doing his best to remember everything as it was in that treasured moment. 

It was the evening of the summer festival, only a few months prior. The Investigation Team had spent the day perusing the many food stalls and enjoying each other’s company. Most of them had parted ways once the sun began to set, with the exception of Souji and Yosuke. Souji had discovered something wonderful--something he was sure Yosuke would appreciate. 

“Yosuke, do you have a minute? There’s something I want to show you,” Souji asked.

“Sure, I’ve always got time for you, partner!” Yosuke winked. “What is it?”

“Can’t tell you--you need to see it,” Souji replied with a coy smile. 

He led him behind the shrine to where a beaten path meandered into the depths of the lush, sprawling forest. 

“Just what are you so excited to show me, anyway?” Yosuke asked curiously. 

“I already told you, I can’t say,” Souji reiterated. 

“Fiiiine,” Yosuke whined playfully. “Well, lead the way!” 

Souji wasn’t sure what possessed him, but he couldn’t keep himself from cupping Yosuke’s hand in his own and practically dragging him into the woods. 

“H-hey,  _ easy  _ there, partner!” Yosuke squawked. Much to Souji’s and Yosuke’s own surprise, he didn’t pull his hand away. 

And so the two boys embarked on their mysterious pilgrimage, hand-in-hand, with Souji leading Yosuke along the narrow path through the darkness of the forest. 

Souji’s hand was cool to the touch and remarkably soft--a welcome contrast to the stifling, humid air that clung voraciously to their skin. ‘T-this is totally fine; it’s not like anyone can see us all the way back here, yeah?’ Yosuke reasoned to himself. ‘And his hand just feels so… nice.’ 

He was suddenly grateful for the cover of twilight, as this thought in particular sent a furious blush rushing across his cheeks. 

“Almost there,” Souji said as he turned to face Yosuke, who jumped at the sudden break in silence.

“C-cool, can’t wait partner!” he squeaked. 

Yosuke’s face was practically glowing red in the darkness; Souji examined him with a knowing smile. “Feeling a little warm or something?” he teased.

“Oh, y-yeah, it’s  _ totally _ hot out here,” Yosuke muttered flusteredly. Souji gave a low chuckle and gave his hand a firm squeeze, which only served to stain his cheeks an even deeper shade of red. 

Yosuke noticed that the trees were beginning to thin out, as evidenced by the brilliant beams of sunset that were beginning to stream through the dwindling leaves. Soon enough, they arrived at a clearing--and boy oh boy, was it worth the walk. 

The two boys stood--still hand-in-hand, but now side-by-side as well--before a sea of flowers that rippled in the gentle evening breeze. Some were round with velvety blood-red petals and black pistils, while others were pure white and boasted six proud, pointed petals. The setting sun had dyed the sky a hundred hues of orange as the low beams of light kissed the ground beneath, staining the picturesque scene with a gorgeous golden tint. 

After soaking up the view, Souji turned and looked at Yosuke--his amber eyes were practically sparkling with awe in the sunset, his mouth slightly agape at the breathtaking scene. Souji smiled, a subtle blush dusting his cheeks. “Like what you see?”

“Y-yeah,” Yosuke stammered as he was torn from his transfixion. “It’s… beautiful, partner.” 

He turned to Souji with a grin; likewise, Souji’s lips were curled into a gentle smile, his silver eyes glowed as softly as the moon in the night sky, and was  _ blushing _ in earnest now. Yosuke couldn’t help but let out a soft gasp as his heart thrummed desperately against the walls of his chest. “Wh-whoa,” Yosuke mumbled under his breath.

“Everything okay?” Souji asked softly, his eyes resting easily on Yosuke’s. 

“G-great! Everything’s  _ great _ !” Yosuke exclaimed, a little too emphatically, as he snapped his eyes toward anything that  _ wasn’t _ Souji. 

‘Damn it, partner, why do you gotta be so  _ cute _ like that!?’ Yosuke thought to himself.  _ ‘ _ Wait.  _ Cute!?  _ No,  _ bad _ Yosuke,  _ bad _ !’

“Th-this scenery is just so pretty is all; I guess I’m a little flustered by it…” Yosuke explained half-heartedly.

“No worries, partner” Souji assured him. Yosuke’s heart skipped a beat or seven--it  _ always  _ did on the rare occasions Souji called him that. “Want to take a stroll through the flowers?” 

Yosuke knew he should’ve said no--a stroll through the flowers? That’s  _ way  _ too romantic a thing to do with your best friend that you  _ totally _ don’t have a crush on. Somehow, though, Yosuke found that there was nothing in the world he’d rather do at this moment. For the first time in ages, he felt no anguish stinging in his heart; all his pain had been numbed by his fondness for his partner in this very moment. He decided that it was important to hold on to this feeling, so he allowed himself to leave his shame behind, even if just for a moment.

He smiled warmly at Souji. “Sure, partner.”

They decided to take their shoes off so they could feel the earth beneath them; the flowers were incredibly soft beneath their heels as the wandered through the lush field. The two boys were still walking hand-in-hand--and at some point, their fingers had become interlaced. 

It was a moment Souji would always cherish. 

“ _ Souji _ ,” Orpheus cried, pulling Souji out of his nostalgic reverie. “It’s working--can you hear it?”

Souji noticed that his eyes had become damp with unshed tears; he blinked them away as he focused his attention on the quiet melody. Much to his surprise, he discovered that it was emanating from the orange headphones hung around his neck; he reached up and placed them over his ears to better absorb the sound. 

He first heard a piano that quickly arpeggiated between two notes, and soon a series of warm chords washed over the brisk keystrokes. The piano faded into the background after a few refrains of the chord progression, and the melody was taken over by a guitar. The melody became more complex as grace notes were peppered into a series of intriguing, nimble licks that the piano hadn’t done earlier in the song. It was certainly poignant and beautiful, but Souji couldn’t help but feel that something was missing.

“Are there no lyrics?” Souji wondered aloud. 

“I don’t know,” Orpheus retorted puzzledly. “I thought there would be words, too.”

“Your song had words, didn’t it? Since you helped me project my feelings into a song, it’s surprising that this song doesn’t have words, as well.”

“To be honest, it was the words that took me so long to come up with,” Orpheus admitted. “The melody just… came to me, as if I’d known it all along.”

Souji bit his lip pensively. If he didn’t have words, how on earth could he sing for Hades? The plan was falling apart before it had even begun. 

“I wish I knew where my brother was,” Orpheus mused. “Of the two of us, he was always the better poet. If we could find him, we could write some lyrics.”

“Seems like we have a lot on our plate,” Souji remarked, trying to remain hopeful. 

He noticed that his eyelids had grown incredibly heavy--he had grown tired after facing his shadow, which was certainly to be expected. “I think I need to head back and get some rest. I should tell the rest of the Investigation Team about this.”

“You can if you want, but I don’t think they can come with you,” Orpheus explained. “If you bring that many people with you, Hades will notice right away.” 

“Is that so?” Souji asked regretfully. “I suppose it can’t be helped. We’ll just have to focus our energy on finding Hermes and Linus.”

“That sounds good,” Orpheus agreed. “Now, go get some rest. You look exhausted.” 

Souji nodded in agreement; from there, he and Orpheus made their way back to the entrance. Luckily, he’d been in the TV world long enough that Junes had opened, and he was able to use the usual exit. 

TV spat him out in the electronic section of Junes as it always did. In his exhausted state, he scarcely even remembered walking all the way home. 

He was greeted by a very stern-looking Dojima, who stood at the threshold with his arms crossed tightly. Nanako must have been asleep. 

“Just where the hell have you  _ been _ , Souji?” Dojima barked. “We couldn’t figure out where you’d gone, and your phone said you were out of a service area. Do you have any idea how worried we were!?”

“I’m sorry, Dojima,” Souji muttered listlessly. “Won’t happen again.”

“It better not,” Dojima admonished. He placed a hand on Souji’s shoulder, his expression softening into a sympathetic frown as he did. “I know this is hard for you. It’s never easy losing someone you love.”

Souji winced at the word ‘love’--he knew it was true, but he’d never heard his own feelings as expressed by someone else. It stung; he knew that at this point, they were feelings of love that had a snowball’s chance in hell of ever being requited.

“...You did love him, didn’t you?” Dojima asked earnestly.

“...Yes.” Souji whispered tenuously. He trembled, his eyes stinging all too familiarly with tears. 

Before he knew it, his uncle had wrapped him in a tight, fatherly embrace, and he began to sob in his arms. 

“You don’t have to go through this alone, Souji,” Dojima reassured him. “We’re a family. We’re going to help you through it however we can.”

“Is big bro back?” Nanako asked sleepily as she rounded the corner. When she saw Souji, still wrapped supportively in Dojima’s arms, she ran to his side and hugged his legs with all her might and began to weep with him.

“I’m so glad you’re safe, big bro,” she cried. “I was really scared.”

“I’m s-sorry, Nanako,” Souji hiccuped between sobs. 

“It’s okay, big bro,” she whimpered. “It’s okay to be sad.”

“I j-just… I miss him so much,” he cried.

“I think Yosuke-nii misses you too, big bro,” she consoled him. “And he’ll always love you, just like mommy will always love me and daddy.”

Souji couldn’t help but smile through his tears at the sentiment--Nanako was so very thoughtful for someone her age, and she never failed to warm his heart. “Thank you, Nanako.”

The three stood huddled together for a long time, and Souji allowed himself to revel in the comfort of his beloved family. 

Eventually, they went their separate ways to get some much-needed sleep. Souji all but collapsed onto his futon, the melody from earlier lilting in his mind against the silence of his room. After several refrains, the song’s thrall managed to lull him into a restless sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Souji's song *is* based on a real song, but I can't tell you what it is yet. ;)


	8. magician vs. psychopomp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m... never going to see them again, huh?” he mused out loud. “It’s really over…” 
> 
> His mind’s eye quickly fixated on one friend in particular--he could picture his smooth silver hair and steely eyes clear as day. Biting his lip, he thought of his final moments spent trying to reach out to his partner, only to die alone.
> 
> “Why the hell wouldn’t you wake up, partner?...” he muttered, his lower lip quivering as he continued. “It’s gotta be because I meant absolutely nothing to you all along, right? Were you ready to just throw me out like the piece of trash I am? This is how it’s always been… All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, because everyone I’ve ever met leaves me behind or gets sick of my shit at some point. It happened with all my friends in the city after I moved to Inaba--why the hell did I think things would be any different here?"
> 
> Yosuke shook his head, his mouth twisting into a cynical grimace and nose rankling in frustration. "People really do turn on you just like the wind… Even you, partner.” 
> 
> “Do you honestly believe that *bullshit* you’re spewing, *little bullfrog*?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No song for this one, enjoy!!!

Yosuke peered numbly out the window as the train clattered along the track, seeing absolutely nothing in the pitch black void and thinking of the ones he’d  _ chosen  _ to leave behind. 

“I’m... never going to see them again, huh?” he mused out loud. “It’s really over…” 

His mind’s eye quickly fixated on one friend in particular--he could picture his silken silver hair and steely eyes clear as day. He gnawed on his lip like his afterlife depended on it as he thought of his final moments spent trying to reach out to his partner, only to die alone.

“Why the hell wouldn’t you wake up, partner?... It’s gotta be because I meant absolutely  _ nothing  _ to you all along, right? Were you ready to just throw me out like the piece of trash I am?" He hung his despondent head and sucked in a ragged breath--it's not like there's anything better to do right now than kick himself while he was down, right? "This is how it’s always been… All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, because everyone I’ve ever met leaves me behind or gets sick of my shit at some point. It happened with all my friends in the city after I moved to Inaba--why the hell did I think things would be any different here?"

His mouth twisting into a cynical grimace and nose rankling in frustration. "People really do turn on you just like the wind… Even  _ you _ , partner.” 

“Do you honestly believe that _bullshit_ you’re spewing,  _ little bullfrog _ ?” a voice all too much like his own ragged behind him. 

Yosuke snapped to face the voice and found his gaze met by his own glaring eyes, which were tinted a telltale shade of gold. 

His own eyes narrowed apprehensively. “W-what the hell? How are  _ you  _ here?” His hands instinctively shot to his waistband to retrieve his kunai, only to find that they were painfully absent. 

“Don’t you remember a damn thing that Margaret lady said, dipshit? I came back, and it’s time for you to admit  _ why  _ I’m here.” The shadow laughed derisively. “I mean,  _ I  _ know why I’m here, but I wouldn’t be here at all if you could get a damn grip, right?”

Yosuke shook his head with furious abandon, gritting his teeth painfully as he did. “Whatever, just go back to wherever you came from--I’m  _ done _ . How can a freaking dead guy have a shadow, anyway!? What difference would it make if I accepted you now??”

“ _ God  _ you can be dense sometimes, you know that?” Shadow Yosuke remarked with a malicious snicker. “Remember what that guy with the huge schnauz said? Things aren’t over for us just yet. And  _ I _ , for one, know that we’ve got some serious unfinished business.”

“Tch, oh yeah? Like what?” 

“Like how we’re totally in  _ love  _ with Souji."

“W-what!? No way, dude, I’m not even  _ gay _ !”  His face twisted into a morose scowl as he spoke. “Besides, if anything, I  _ hate  _ him. I mean, he totally let me down up there! He didn’t even bother to wake up while I fucking  _ died _ .” His voice trembled with fury, though his eyes stung with the threat of crestfallen tears and his voice broke as he spoke. “What kind of shitty friend wouldn’t be there for their partner in their dying moment!?”

“Gay, straight, whatever—what the hell does it matter? Call it Soujisexual, for all I care!" the shadow snickered. "No matter how much you pretend you hate his guts, it doesn’t matter--you’re always gonna be in love with him, and I know that for a  _ fact....  _ b ecause I’m  _ you _ , after all.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut  _ up _ !” Yosuke snarled; his hands flew to his ears in a desperate attempt to block out all the noise of his shadow’s stinging truth. “If you honestly believe all that crap, then there’s no way in  _ hell  _ you’re me." His voice swelled into a soul-wrenching wail as he continued. "I’m done with Souji--not like I have much of a choice, now that I'm  _ dead-- _ and I’m  _ done  _ with this stupid conversation! Get the hell _out of here_!!” 

The shadow’s chuckle crescendoed into a roaring cackle as a harrowing black mist burgeoned all around it. “Tsk tsk, don’t you remember what happened when you denied me the first time, you  _ dumbass _ ? I guess I’m going to have to knock some sense into you--or better yet, knock you beyond all hope of an afterlife!" he said, his body still wracked by maniacal laughter. 

“Ugh, fine,  _ whatever-- _ come at me then!” Yosuke goaded venomously. He shifted his posture to better brace himself for the impending altercation--his feet were firmly anchored to the floor of the train car, and his fists held protectively in front of him. 

Shadow Yosuke had been completely swallowed by the mist; suddenly, it burst away from where he had once stood, and a humanoid form stood in his place. It wore a suit of armor printed with a dignified black and red plaid, and it wore a blood-red caged helm atop its head. Riveted to its vambraces and greaves were wings as black as the endless void of the tunnel; they constructed of metal feathers that matched those decorating the sides of its helm.

Yosuke had to admit that he was a little impressed by the shadow’s newly assumed aesthetic. “Okay, I gotta admit that you look  _ pretty  _ badass, but I’m gonna beat the crap out of you just the same!” he cried with a cocky grin. 

“I’d like to see you _try_ , little bullfrog."

“ _ Jiraiya! _ ” Yosuke cried. He was pleasantly surprised when a gleaming blue tarot card materialized before him and shattered in his grasp. He hadn’t really expected it to work since his own shadow was standing right in front of him--not to mention yet again that he was  _ dead _ \--but he decided that he didn’t have time to think about it too hard. He didn’t have his trusty kunai with him anymore, so he was more than glad to have his Persona at his side regardless of how or why. 

The shadow lunged toward him feet first with surprising speed, but Jiraiya quickly blasted him back with a swift blast of Garudyne. To Yosuke’s surprise, it turned out that the shadow was weak to wind; having sustained a sizable amount of damage, the shadow collapsed to the ground.

Soon enough, the shadow rose from the ground and cocked its head back, letting loose a scorching hot blast of fire from the tip of its helm. Yosuke winced as his forearms shot up to cover his face, sustaining some burns so severe that his skin began to bubble painfully; after a quick cast of Diarama, however, he was good as new. 

It reared back for the same attack, but Yosuke was ready this time--he dodged the scorching flames at the very last moment with a cocky grin. “Not a  _ chance, _ ” he chided as Jiraiya casted Sukukaja.

The shadow let out a fearsome cry as an explosive barrage of razor-sharp blades were loosed in Yosuke’s direction. As agile as he was, he failed to dodge the attack; his whole body snapped backward as it was propelled by the explosion, and he soon smashed against the wall of the train car with enough force to knock the wind right out of his lungs. He was pinned to the wall by countless blades that had pierced his clothes, and his body was bloodied by the innumerable cuts he’d sustained. Every muscle in his body screamed with a pain so sharp that he could scarcely move, and he could taste the metallic tang of blood as it seeped through his clenched teeth. Much to his chagrin, Jiraiya had dematerialized, as well.

“D-damn it…” he muttered as he hung his head in defeat. All of his limbs had slackened entirely, and he was left powerless to struggle against the advancing shadow.

To Yosuke's surprise, the humanoid figure had transmogrified back into Shadow Yosuke and sauntered over to where he was helplessly suspended. “Tougher than you thought I’d be, huh idiot?” the shadow taunted. “Looks like this is the  _ end  _ of the end for you, Yosuke.”

“B-but, why?...” he whimpered. “Why are you even  _ doing  _ this?”

“Maybe I’m pissed that you  _ really  _ went and decided that we were done living, even after you were given a chance to change your fate; we had so much left to do with our life!” he snarled.

Yosuke hung his head contemplatively--the shadow had a point. He'd chosen this not only for his conscious self, but also for the parts of himself he'd never given a chance to be acknowledged in the first place. For his shadow, it was almost as if he'd never been given the chance to live at _all_. "You're right... I'm sorry."

The shadow sighed wistfully, and his expression softened a bit. “You know, b elieve it or not, I’m positive Souji loved you back--even though you couldn’t admit it to yourself that you loved him in the first place.”

Yosuke scoffed, his voice reclaiming its former vitriol. “Oh, yeah? Is that why he didn’t bother to wake up when I  _ died _ ? He doesn’t give a  _ damn  _ about me…”

“You  _ know  _ that’s not the truth, Yosuke.” 

The shadow reached out toward his neck, and Yosuke was sure he was going in for the killing blow; much to his surprise, the shadow gingerly cupped his chin and tipped his head upward so that Yosuke was forced to meet its eyes instead--and he was shocked to find that they were practically overflowing with kindness.

“He was worried  _ sick  _ over you the whole time, and he was absolutely exhausted from trying to  _ save  _ you. He wouldn’t have bothered with that at all if he really didn’t care about you.”

Yosuke simply winced in reply, unable to come up with a good counterpoint--Souji had definitely put himself through a living hell trying to save him. He tried to imagine how he would feel if he were in his shoes--if he were the one to watch the person he loved as they nearly bled out right before his eyes. Despite his most dire efforts, relentless tears started to stream down his face. 

“ _ Please _ , Yosuke,” the shadow begged. “Give us one more chance. Let yourself truly  _ love  _ someone for once, even if you’re afraid they’re gonna let you down.” The distortion in his voice had begun to fade; in truth, it was beginning to sound less like Yosuke and more like an entirely different person. 

“I… I guess really  _ did  _ want that--to be _with_ him,” Yosuke confessed as he cast his eyes at the ground shamefully. “But I was so blinded by the pain I was feeling that... I figured that no one could love someone as broken as me, y’know? Who wants a friend--let alone a…  _ b-boyfriend-- _ who’s so sad about a girl they liked that they go and hurt themselves over it? My friends and, more importantly, Souji... he deserves better than someone who couldn't even trust him enough to admit what I was doing to myself."

“It’s so easy to put up walls when you’re afraid, isn't it?” Shadow Yosuke asked, pulling the blades out of the wall and helping Yosuke to his feet as he continued. “You were afraid he'd push you away when he learned what you'd done. It can be so hard to trust people enough to let them in when you need them most, but I  _ promise  _ that it’s worth it. Believe me, if Souji had any idea just how much you were hurting, he would’ve done  _ anything  _ to make you feel better--he  _ loves  _ you, Yosuke.”

_ “L-loves _ ? As in, he _still_ does? Even after all _this_?” He still had his doubts--after all, how could _his_ shadow be sure of what _Souji_ felt?

“Yes, Yosuke, with a love so strong it could probably make the world go 'round if you'd let it. And he always will love you--whether you’re dead, alive, or somewhere in between.” 

Yosuke paused to lower his head with a pensive frown. “I think a part of me just felt like... I’d be letting Saki down if I let myself love someone else so soon after she died, y'know? But I think… you’re the part of me that’s loved him all along, aren’t you?” 

Shadow Yosuke shot him an impossibly kind smile. “I am.”

Yosuke gazed warmly at the shadow in return, a wistful smile resting easily on his face. “That makes me… really happy to hear. I’m not sure how you can be so confident that you're right, but I’m gonna trust you--just like you said I should. I’m gonna choose to be loved, to  _ believe _ I can be loved." 

His plaintive smile soured into an ashamed frown. " I think I just figured I was...  _ supposed _ to hate him after what happened, y’know? But it’s not like he _chose_ not to wake up when I died, right?..." He looked up to meet his shadow's eyes with resolution--until this moment, he'd been lost in a labyrinth of his self-doubt, but through facing himself, he'd finally found he way out. "He didn't have a choice... When I signed that contract, I _did_ have a choice, and I chose wrong. But now? I have another choice to make: A choice between love and hate. And I think we both know that I'm gonna choose love because I… we really  _ do  _ love him.”

"You finally get it," his shadow said with a proud smile. 

“That’s right,” Yosuke recalled, gazing deeply into his shadow’s golden eyes. “I’m you, and you’re me. But...” he gave a somber pause. “I hope it isn’t too late for all this now.” 

“I don’t think it is, little bullfrog,” Shadow Yosuke replied with a mirthful chuckle. 

He was quickly enveloped by a brilliant white light; when it dissipated, Shadow Yosuke had transformed into a new Persona shaped much like the shadow he'd fought. The former shadow’s familiar suit of armor had taken on a sable hue with vibrant orange accents around the neck and shoulders, and its helm had traded its gothic coloring for a brilliant gold with silver accents. Its wings, once black as a midwinter’s night, were now as golden as the morning rays of spring sunshine. 

“You can call me Mr. Hermes, and can help  _ you  _ to your final destination, wherever that may be,” the Persona chimed; Yosuke couldn’t see anything beneath the helm, but he would have guessed that it housed a self-satisfied smirk. “But for now, I got some  business  to attend to in the world up above.”

Yosuke’s jaw slackened a bit, taken aback by the incongruity of the Persona’s dignified appearance and its twangy, singsong voice--I mean, this guy was downright  _ sassy! _ “Uh, y-yeah, I’ll just wait here! Guess I can’t go with you since I signed that dumb contract, yeah?” he reasoned out with a wince.

“That’s right; just take it easy for now,” he insisted soothingly. “But whatever you do: Don’t. Forget. What you’ve learned about yourself today. It’s all too easy to lose sight of yourself down in Hadestown.”

“I mean, I’m really not sure why it matters since I’m  _ still dead _ ,” Yosuke pointed out cynically. “But yeah, I’ll try, Mr. Hermes.” 

“Good boy,” he cooed; with that, the jaunty Persona ducked out the door of the caboose car and jetted off into the darkness. 

Having seen Hermes off, Yosuke reclaimed his original seat in the train car and began to muse out loud, pretending as if the stony walls of the tunnel had ears to listen with. “Well, Souji... You really are  special to me-- _more_ than special. You always were, I think. And you always will be.”

His face quickly soured into a rueful grimace. “But I couldn’t admit just how much you really meant to me __ before it was too late. I was just… too sad and confused to stay up there with you. I’m so  _ tired _ , Souji…" he let out a breath sigh as he noticed a familiar sting in his eyes. "I hope you can forgive me.”

Yosuke had no idea how many millions of hours it would be before the train finally arrived in Hadestown, so he decided to pass the time by listening to some music. Music was always his saving grace, his guiding light in the labyrinthine dark--his trusty playlist kept him motivated through countless grueling training sessions in the shadow world, and he hoped it could do the same for him now. 

He instinctively brought his hands to his neck so he could tug his trusty headphones over his ears, only for his fists to grasp at nothing but air. “Oh, yeah... dead people don’t get to bring their music with them, huh?…” he grumbled. 

He bitterly tossed his head back against the headrest and squeezed his puffy eyes shut, praying that the dead could be granted the solace of sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first time writing a fight scene soooo hopefully it was okay! I'd love to hear what you guys think in the comments, this fic has been super fun and self-indulgent, so I'd love to know if y'all are at least getting a kick out of suffering alongside me 😀
> 
> Also, hmu on twitter or tumblr if you'd like to gush about souyo with me 😎 https://lyndinjunes.carrd.co


	9. underground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddie wakes up in a strange underground tunnel and finds something he least expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the imagery in this chapter is based on "Underground" by my lord and savior Cody Fry.

Teddie woke up underground. 

“H-hello? Is any-bear-dy there??” he threw his wavering voice into the dark. Naturally, the dark had no remark--it only repeated what he said. 

“I-I’m feeling a little paw-strophobic in here…” he whimpered, shuddering pitifully. 

He clammored to his feet and looked around. Luckily for him, he had beary good night vision, so he was able to quickly ascertain his surroundings. Unluckily, there was nothing to be found in this world he didn’t know--only cold, stony walls that held him like an elongated prison.

Through the stifling silence, he heard a distant scream--thought it sounded more like a sharp gust of wind than a human voice. It brought Teddie’s mind back into focus, and he quickly remembered the gravity of the present situation--he was lost, and Yosuke was still dead.

His eyes welled with tears as he thought of him. “Y-yosuke, I… I couldn’t do anything to save you... I really _am_ a worthless little bear-other, aren’t I?” 

He tried to recall what had led up to him waking up in this strange place. The very last thing he remembered was Mama-mura and Papa-mura telling him that Yosuke hadn’t made it. He must have passed out from shock, and this must all be some sort of dream, right?

He twitched his ears thoughtfully as a cool breeze caressed his fur, as if gently whispering for him to move along. He cornered his resolve with a calming breath and took a step into the darkness, only to feel a cold metallic tingle beneath his furry left foot. 

“Hmm, this is a beary silly place for metal,” he commented, as if the void before him cared for anything he had to say. 

Another scream ripped through the darkness, as reedy and shrill as the one that came before it--this one, however, sounded like it was _much_ closer than the last. 

“Who on earth is down here doing all this _screaming_!?” he cried. 

He strolled along the track for quite some time, humming thoughtfully to keep himself from becoming disoriented in the darkness. He wondered what this place could be and why he’d woken up here. It seemed that he was alone, at least, and that he wasn’t in any immediate danger. Or so he thought. 

Suddenly, blinding light shone through the black, and Teddie let out a yelp as the bright flash assaulted his eyes. He staggered backward and tripped over the traitorous metallic strip he’d found earlier; only when his face hit the wooden slats in between did he realize he’d been standing on a track. The little light was growing bigger and bigger by the moment, and there was absolutely _nowhere_ he could go to get out of the way. The ground began to shake violently beneath him, and the train showed no signs of hitting the brake. The little light was closing in as he frantically tried to outrun the steampunk behemoth barreling toward him, his little legs flailing as clamored to his feet and ran with all his might. 

He was too slow. 

And, suddenly, he was floating. 

When he came to, he was perched precariously on the roof of the train, completely flattened like he’d been in Rise’s dungeon. He must’ve been carried by an updraft after having been thoroughly steamrolled, and he hadn’t noticed because the force of the impact knocked him unconscious. 

“Whew, that was beary not fun for poor ol’ Teddie,” he whined, puffing himself back up with a forceful huff. He saw that one of the suit’s legs had been ripped clean off in the kerfuffle, so he elected to press on in his boy form. The impact had been so massive that even his boy body was looking a bit battered--his once pristine blouse was sooty and tattered, his flippy blond hair was completely disheveled, and he was a bit bruised all over. Only the faithful red rose in his pocket maintained all its original luster. 

The air roared all around him as the train rushed through the black tunnel like a speeding bullet in a shotgun barrel. He watched carefully as the slivers of light pouring out of the train windows flickered against the rumbling ground--the dilute glow allowed him to spot a ladder that led down off the train and onto a platform appended to the caboose. He rolled over onto his belly and pulled himself along the roof of the car, letting loose a slight hiss every time his bruised skin made contact with the frigid metal. 

He carefully climbed down the ladder onto the platform beneath, which wobbled precariously as the train ticked along the track. Teddie figured that it would be pre-fur-able to wait for the train to stop from _inside_ the car, so he peeked through the window to see if there was anyone who could let him in. 

And here certainly was _someone_ \--a boy with telltale spiky hair, fast asleep in his seat. 

“Yosuke??” Teddie whispered, struggling to believe what he was seeing with his own eyes. How on earth was Yosuke _here_ ? He pounded on the door and fidgeted with the handle as if his life depended on finding a way into this train car. “ _YOOOSUKE, WAKE UP!!!”_ he screamed.

Yosuke jolted awake and whipped his head around to the scene unfolding behind him. “T-Ted?!” Yosuke gasped, clamoring to his feet and over to the door. 

“Yosuke, it really _is_ you!” Teddie chirped, his eyes glimmering with tears of joy. “I _found_ you!”

“Yeah, you sure did,” Yosuke said, his smile bubbling with joy. Never in his life had he been so happy to see the dastardly little bear--he hadn’t expected to see him ever again, but here he was, beaming at him through the train’s window like a guiding star. “B-but wait--how are you _here_ ?!” he puzzled, only to be struck by a wave of sheer horror as he realized what _kind_ of people end up on this train. “You’re not… _no,_ you _can’t be_!”

“Oh no, I’m beary much alive! Or at least think I am?” Teddie groaned in frustration. “Oh, I don’t know what to bear-lieve any more...”

“H-how are you here if you’re not… like me?” Yosuke pondered as tried to jostle the lock on the door from his side, but it still wouldn’t budge. “Dammit, I think Hermes locked this thing a _little_ too tight on his way out...”

“We’ll just keep trying! Paw-sistence is key, you know!~” Teddie cheered. “And when we get you out of here, you can come home with me!”

Yosuke ogled at the bear through the glass. He felt as a flicker of hope as it lit up his own face, only for the feeling to be snuffed out by the memory of his name in ink on a dotted line. 

“I… I can’t do that, Ted.” he winced, his hand recoiling from the handle as if it were made of fire. “I made a deal. I have to stay.” 

“B-but, Yosuke! I found you here! And if I found you here it means we can find the way out _together,_ even if I have to bear-eak you out of here!” Teddie did his best to put on a brave face complete with his cheesiest bear puns, but his desperate tears streamed down his cheeks all the same. 

Yosuke tipped his head and looked wistfully at Teddie as he frantically fiddled with the handle. “Ted… I’m so sorry. There’s so much about this that I wanted to be different. But it’s too late for me to back out now. I have to live--um, die?--with the choices I’ve made.”

“B-but… WHY?!” Teddie sobbed, pounding on the door with all his might. “Why are you gonna choose to be all alone here when you can come back and be with me and Sensei and everyone who _loves_ you?!”

“Teddie, I’m… I’m so sorry, but it just doesn’t work that way,” Yosuke whimpered, clenching his fists so tightly that his nails dug painfully into his palms; his voice cracked as he effortfully fended off tears. “Please don’t be sad.”

Teddie’s sobbing grew loud enough to drown out the roaring wind and the clattering of the train on the track; he fell to his knees and violently rapped the door over and _over_ until poppy red blood bloomed from his split knuckles. Yosuke felt that there were no words that could possibly console him, so he simply sank to his own knees to be level with Teddie through the lower pane of glass. He gently pressed his hand against the door, matching its position to where Teddie’s palm was splayed in frustration on the other side. He felt like such a worthless friend for putting him through all this and being powerless to comfort him; all he could do was watch over Teddie in his outrage with deep, implacable sorrow in his chestnut eyes. 

Eventually, Teddie’s sobs relented into quiet hiccups, and his bloodied hands were still; he looked up to meet Yosuke with bloodshot eyes. “I need to be with you, big bro,” he whimpered. 

“I…” Yosuke’s expression was soft and heartbroken all at once as he realized it was the first time Teddie had called him that. His eyes welled with heartfelt tears as he pressed himself closer to the glass--closer to his little brother. “I’ll _always_ be your big bro, even from down here.” 

“But I want you up there with me, Yosuke-nii—I’m such a scaredy bear without you around,” he sniffled. “What if Mama-mura and Papa-mura decide they don’t want me anymore now that their real son is gone?”

Yosuke replied with a light-hearted giggle. “Ted, they love you just as much as they loved me--hell, if anything, _you’re_ their favorite son,” he joked, desperately trying to brighten Teddie’s spirits. 

Teddie met his mirthful glance tentatively, only to hang his head in defeat. “Still making jokes, even now…” he sighed. “You’re just running away, aren’t you?”

Yosuke blinked incredulously. “Wh-what?”

Teddie drew a ragged breath. “If you make jokes, you don’t have to deal with the real problem,” he reasoned, his voice eerily steady and lacking all of its usual animation. 

He staggered to his feet, his head still hanging low; the muted light from the train car cast an ominous shadow on his sullen face. “And if you’re dead, you don’t ever have to deal with all the hard stuff that comes with being alive, right?”

“I-I… Teddie, what are you saying?” 

Teddie clenched his fists, making his blanched knuckles weep fresh crimson all over again. “You’re running away from feeling sad about Saki. You’re running away from how you really feel about Sensei. You’re running away from every part of your life--good _and_ bad.”

He grit his teeth and looked Yosuke dead in the eye with a look so wrathful it made hell seem positively _inviting_ . “You’re running away from _everything_ , Yosuke!” he screeched, hammering his fist against the window with enough force to make the entire pane of glass shatter at their feet.

“T-Ted, c-calm down, dude…” Yosuke panted, recoiling from the tiny chips of shimmering glass that rained down around him. 

“Oh, no, Yosuke--I will _not_ be calm, and I _will_ be sad!” he shrieked with a maniacal glint in his stormy blue eyes. “I’ll be as sad and un-calm as it takes for you to realize just how much you’re taking with you--how much you took from the people who _loved you_ when you died!” He was all but baring his fangs as venomous tears poured across his cheeks, his voice still breaking with agonized sobs. “You left us behind so you could run away, but we don’t _ever_ get to run away from the hole you left in our hearts!”

Teddie was beyond all hope of calming down, and Yosuke had no words for the way he felt seeing him like this. He’d never seen Teddie so completely beside himself with rage and despair, and it broke his heart to know that _he_ was the reason he’d become this unhinged. Teddie was totally right--he’d run away, and there was no way he could fix it anymore. He’d signed that stupid contract and agreed to go to literal _hell_ instead of going back to be with the people who loved him enough to accept him, even after all the nonsense he’d put them through. There was nothing he wouldn’t give to have everyone forget about him as if he’d never existed so he could have left without causing so much heartbreak in his wake. 

But Yosuke had no words for the way he felt. All he could do was reach through the broken window and pull his brother’s battered body toward him. Teddie eagerly wrapped his arms around Yosuke through the empty windowpane, burying his face in his big brother’s chest as gut-wrenching sobs still wracked his slight frame. Yosuke finally relented to the tears that had been pushing through his own eyes ever since he saw Teddie--he never would have dreamed that he’d get a chance to see him again. As agonizing as this shared moment had been, he resolved to treasure it, as it would surely be their last. Yosuke gently petted Teddie’s hair, doing his best to put all of his disheveled locks back in place. 

As they stood, the train began to crawl to a halt as they approached a hulking brick wall. Drones of people were buzzing about, some laying bricks and others swinging their pickaxes against the cold, hard ground. None of them faltered in their work as the train approached; they kept their heads low and focused dead ahead with their soulless red eyes. 

“You have to go, Teddie,” Yosuke murmured. “You have to get back home; I’m sure everyone’s worried sick about you.” He pushed his bangs out of his face and laid a tender kiss on his forehead, then gently pulled himself away. “I love you, Ted. And I wish I could’ve said it myself, but… tell Souji I love him.”

“Yosuke…” Teddie whimpered, holding fast to Yosuke as he turned to leave. “I love you, big bro.” Yosuke relented, and embraced his brother for a few more all-too-brief moments. 

Teddie gingerly stepped off the platform and watched as the train pulled through the opening in the wall, Yosuke waving goodbye all the while. When Yosuke was finally past the threshold and Teddie was out of sight, he broke into a fit of ugly sobs and balled his hair in his fists. None of his loved ones should have to go through this, but _especially_ not Teddie--he was so innocent and hopeful, and Yosuke couldn’t even begin to imagine how thoroughly this encounter had crushed his spirits. Never mind that he hadn’t bothered to figure out why Teddie was here in the first place or if he was in any danger--and now it was too late. 

Teddie, alone and afraid once again, could manage nothing but to curl into a tiny ball and cry against the cold stone wall that had robbed him of his brother, tears kissing the now-withered petals of the rose in his pocket as he wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos would mean a lot to me honestly 🥺


	10. flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yosuke arrives in Hadestown and finds a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on the song "Flowers" from Hadestown!
> 
> I uhhhh did a cover of it if you'd be interested in hearing me sing   
> 👉👈 https://soundcloud.com/user-429895818/flowers-covered-by-lyndin

Hadestown was, in a word, oppressive. The air was thick with smog from the smokestacks attached to the countless factories, which stretched in perfectly curated rows for as far as the eye could see. Some workers mined away at the earth in an unfaltering rhythm, piling precious metals and stones into massive mounds that shone so brightly they hurt to look at. Others still were tirelessly crafting an assortment of silver and gold jewelry in the raging hellfire of the forges. Yosuke wondered what on earth Hades needed so many valuables for--what could the king of the dead do with all his riches and spoils when he had no need for bargaining? And then, of course, there was the wall--the formidable, impenetrable stone wall that countless workers laid to make higher and thicker by the moment. 

Speaking of the workers--something was off about all of them. They all had an empty look in their eyes, which were as red as the rubies they had pulled from the earth but without a trace of luster. They reminded Yosuke of shadows, with the only difference being that they still looked very human. Still, like shadows, Yosuke could tell that nearly every trace of humanity had been sucked clean out of them, and all that remained was the husk of their former selves. Worst of all, every last one of them seemed perfectly content to be treated as slaves with never a moment’s rest. 

This place truly was hell on earth. 

Suddenly, three women with glowing yellow eyes and porcelain skin appeared before him, ripping him out of his pensiveness; actually, they looked a lot like personas Souji had wielded in the past. The three of them were all holding a long red string--one woman held the spool as another carefully measured, and the last brandished silver scissors that somehow looked  _ hungry  _ for cutting thread. They were all dressed nearly the same, but in different colors--one in lily white, another in poppy red, and the last in jet black. 

“What are you just standing there for?” the measurer asked.

“You’ve got work to do, just like they do,” said the holder of the spool with a tilt of her head toward the workers. 

Yosuke blinked in confusion. “Uh… who are you three?” 

“Seems like you don’t listen very well, boy,” the wielder of the scissors glowered. “We  _ told _ you to get to work.”

“But since you asked,” the woman in white began with a polite bow, “we’re the Fates--three sisters who curate the thread of every person’s fate. I am Clotho, the youngest who spins the thread,”

“I’m Lachesis, she who measures the thread of every human’s fate with careful precision,” the woman clad in red said in an unfeeling monotone. 

“And I’m Atropos, the eldest who cuts the thread--I mark the end of every life that has ever existed,” her lips twisted into a sadistic smirk. “I got to cut yours not too long ago. But it was no fun to cut yours, since you resigned yourself to this fate of your own free will.”

“H-hey! I just did what I thought I had to!” Yosuke barked. He probably had no right arguing with three mythical figures at once, but that certainly didn’t stop him. “Yeah, maybe I was wrong, but it’s not like I have a choice anymore!”

“That’s right,” Clotho said with a bright smile. “And most everyone here made the same choice as you. It’s perfectly understandable.” 

“Yes--they made their choice, and this is what they got,” Lachesis explained with a flat expression. 

“Enough chit chat, girls,” Atropos hissed. “Get on the factory line, boy!” she spat at Yosuke. 

“Fine...” Yosuke sighed, resigning himself to her orders. This hellacious place and bleak conversation had begun to sap his will to fight out of him faster than he anticipated. 

The Fates showed him to the building he would be working in, which was on the far end of Hadestown near a massive vein of silver. Somehow, its sterling sheen was comforting and nostalgic—but he couldn’t place why. 

But there was something there he  _ could  _ place—someone he recognized. 

The object of his grief, the reason he’d agreed to come to this dreadful place, the reason he’d  _ died  _ to begin with. 

Hades hadn’t lied to him. 

Saki was  _ here _ . 

Yosuke’s jaw could’ve swore that it hit the cold, stony floor. He couldn’t see her face from here, as she had her back to him and was intently swinging the pickaxe at the ground over and over. He was sure his heart would be pounding out of his chest if he still had a heartbeat. 

“You want to talk to her, don’t you?” Clotho asked with a kind smile.

“Yes,” Yosuke managed to squeak out. 

“We’ll allow it if you’re quick,” Lachesis muttered coldly.

Yosuke wanted to approach her, but his legs simply wouldn’t move. He felt like he’d been hypnotized by the motion of the pickaxe and the ping of its sharp point against the sturdy stone. Maybe he just needed a moment to sort out his feelings? The train ride here was all flat terrain, but he’d certainly been on a rollercoaster of emotions the whole time. 

He was pretty sure he still loved her, but it was hard to say now that he discovered his newfound love for...well, he knew there was  _ someone,  _ but he simply couldn’t remember  _ who _ . He couldn’t even picture him--to his mind’s eye, it was as if the boy’s features were shrouded in a mystifying fog, leaving nothing but the ghost of his memory behind. Was he betraying his mysterious lover if he indulged himself in talking to Saki? Had he betrayed her by falling in love with someone else to begin with? Did any of this even  _ matter  _ now that he was dead and stuck in the underworld for all of eternity? He sighed and shook his head in frustration, unable to come up with answers to any of his dilemmas. 

“Hurry it up, boy,” Atropos snapped with a few furious snips of her scissors. As sharp as her tone was, Yosuke could see the hint of an eager, wicked grin on her lips. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and willed himself to approach her. 

“S-Saki-senpai?”

She didn’t turn around. Maybe she hadn’t heard him?

“ _ Saki _ ,” he called, louder this time. Even over the ringing of the pickaxe, she should have been able to hear. 

And still, she didn’t turn around.

He loosed a sharp sigh and took another step toward her until she was just within reach. Careful to avoid the arc of her backswing, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder. 

Finally, she turned around and met him with her dull red eyes. They looked just as empty as everyone else’s, and it hurt to see more than Yosuke expected.

“Saki, I… I can’t believe it’s really  _ you _ ,” he said softly. “There’s so much I’ve wanted to say to you. I never got a chance to tell you how I felt.” He balled his fists tightly as he continued. “I... really loved you, Saki, and I was totally crushed when you died. I tried so hard to carry on, but I guess I just couldn’t take it anymore. I…” he winced. “...hurt myself pretty bad. I didn’t mean for it to happen, really… but... at least I’m here with you now.” 

She said nothing, she simply stared back at him with the emptiest stare Yosuke had ever seen. It almost looked as if she were seeing  _ through _ him instead of looking at him. 

“...Saki-senpai?” he said softly with a gentle wave of his hand before her face.

“I don’t know you,” she muttered lifelessly. “I have work to do. Leave me alone.”

“H-huh?” Yosuke sputtered. She really didn’t remember him at  _ all _ ? “B-but, we used to work together at Junes, don’t you remember? We’d see each other in the food court sometimes. I’d always smile at you every chance I got because I wanted to see you smile back at me,” he admitted with a hopeful tone. “I’ve missed your smile a lot, Saki-senpai.”

“Didn’t you hear me?” she hissed. “I don’t  _ know  _ you. As far as I know, I never have. Quit being a pain in the ass and let me  _ work.” _

And with that, she turned around and kept picking away at the ground as if he had never been there at all. 

‘Crushed’ didn’t begin to cover how awful he felt. She had absolutely no memory of him--that alone was enough to shatter his dead, hollow heart in his chest. He turned around and slowly trudged his way back toward the Fates, his shoes feeling like they were full of concrete. 

“She… didn’t remember me. No matter what I said, it’s like I never existed to her. She didn’t even seem to know her own  _ name. _ ” 

The Fates took turns responding in perfect rhythm.

“The workers can hear,”

“But they don’t care.”

“No one has a name down here.” 

“She’s lost herself and completely resigned herself to the work Mr. Hades has so kindly provided her with,” Lachesis droned matter-of-factly. 

“And Mr. Hades set you free to work yourself into the ground, too,” Atropos smirked.

He wanted to scream. How could anybody  _ want this _ ? How the hell was this ‘freedom’ to these people?

“No way--this is  _ bullshit _ !” he yelled as he turned to rally a cohort of nearby workers. “Come on, people--stand up for yourselves! Hades has no right to treat you like damn slaves! There’s more of us than there are of him, so f we all work together, we can--” 

He cut himself off as he noticed that  _ none  _ of them had bothered to turn their heads to look through him.

“Wh-why won’t anybody look at me?!” Yosuke screamed. 

“They can look,”

“But they don’t see.”

“Y’see? It’s easier that way”

“N-no way in hell am I gonna let this happen to me!” he protested. 

Atropos cackled. “Oh,  _ please _ . Sure you will, it’s what you’ve had coming ever since you kissed your little life goodbye.”

“Hades has laid his hands on you and gave you everlasting life,” Clotho chirped. 

“And everlasting overtime,” Lachesis added. “Your place on the assembly line will soon replace all your memories.” 

He gawked at the three women, looking crestfallen and utterly  _ lost _ . 

“Your eyes will look like that someday, you know,” Atropos sneered. 

A chill ran up his spine as he thought of the workers’ haunting red eyes. “Wh-what do you  _ mean _ I’ll look like that?”

“That’s what it looks like to forget,” she continued. 

“Forget… what?” He suddenly felt like his head was swimming in a thick fog that clouded all hope of remembering  _ anything _ .

“Who you  _ are _ ,” Lachesis replied. 

“And everything that came before you,” Clotho explained with a smile. 

His breaths grew shallow and quick as he felt his empty thoughts begin to race. He didn’t want to forget, but they were  _ right _ \--he was already beginning to lose his memories. He had lost sight of himself and everything that had been meaningful to him while he was alive. Hell, couldn’t even remember the face or the  _ name  _ of the person he’d loved most. 

“I have to go,” he whispered, then broke into a breakneck run. 

He ran faster than he’d ever ran before, hoping he could somehow outrun the inevitable decay that was taking hold of his mind; he ran until he found his way back to the wall all the way across the cavern. He feverishly clawed at the rough sable stones until his numbed fingernails began to bleed, leaving streaks of crimson along the pure-white mortar. 

“I have to _ go,”  _ he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Foolish boy,” Atropos snarled. “No one can ever leave this place.”

“Th-that’s not true! Someone in a blue train car told me that I can be saved by… by… Gah! What the hell was his  _ name _ ?!” he shrieked, desperately panting for breaths as if his rotting lungs cared at all for air. “I…  _ I have to go _ !”

“Go where?” Clotho asked earnestly.

“Go  _ back _ !” 

“Oh? And where is that?” Lachesis asked impassively.

“I… It was...” Where exactly  _ was  _ he from? Where was he trying to go back to? “I have to be from  _ s-somewhere _ … where was it?...” he gasped as he clawed desperately at his own face, hoping the sensation would jog his memory. To his frustration, he only felt  _ nothing _ . 

Atropos gave a vitriolic sneer as she realized what was happening. “What was your name again, boy?”

He fell silent. Who was he? 

What was his own fucking  _ name?  _

“You’ve  _ already  _ forgotten,” Lachesis remarked with a weary sigh. 

“That’s a good thing, dear,” Clotho gently assured him. “It means you can let go of your pain.”

“And it’s good for  _ us _ , too,” Atropos smirked. “A lot of spirits gotta break to make the underworld go ‘round.” 

The boy was overcome by an indomitable numbness from head to toe. He’d lost sight of who he was and everything he’d ever been, He was truly dead to the world--dead to  _ himself _ .

As the most empathetic of the three, Clotho seemed to take pity on him. “Girls, let’s let him rest for a while. There are plenty of workers for now, and he can get to it once he’s recovered a bit.” 

“I would be fine with that,” Lachesis agreed with a gloomy nod. 

Atropos scoffed as she took a moment to assess him. “ _ Fine _ , I guess he’s pretty worthless to us in this state, anyway. Follow us.” 

They led him a long way through Hadestown until they finally reached a secluded hut constructed from cold black metal. The only decor to be found inside was a bed fitted with blood-red sheets and a gleaming mirror with white trim on the wall. 

“We’ll come back for you in a little while, okay?” Clotho said tenderly. 

The boy gave a despondent nod as they walked away and shut the door behind them. The whole room felt impossibly cold and empty--a perfect parallel to the numbness he felt settling within himself. 

He didn’t know why, but he was drawn in by the mirror. It it’s reflection, he found a lifeless pair of vermillion eyes staring back at the shell of himself. 

He sighed as he sauntered toward the bed and collapsed onto his back. It was surprisingly soft, but the boy was unmoved by any semblance of comfort anymore. 

“What I wanted was to fall asleep,” he mumbled to himself. If there was anything he remembered about his former self, it was that he harbored too much pain in his heart to bear it. “Sometimes I just… wanted to close my eyes and disappear.”

He thought of the way he trembled as he signed his life away to Hades, but the deep anguish he had felt with each scratch of the pen against the weathered paper seemed like nothing but a distant memory. 

“ _ You won’t feel a thing...”  _ Hades had said, _ “...when you go down, _ ”

He remembered that he had once dreamed of a life full of happiness, but that dream had died along with… someone that had mattered a lot to him, though her name escaped him now. 

He remembered hopelessly trying to rally the workers behind him, as if their subhuman revolution meant anything to their omnipotent god. “No one listens down here,” he yelped. “I open my mouth and it’s like... nothing comes out.”

“Nothing…” He remembered feeling hope once--but not anymore. “Nothing’s gonna wake me now.” 

The boy felt like a delicate flower on a meadow. He’d been a vivacious and hopeful blossom in the springtime of his youth, but he only bloomed until he rotted and fell apart in the withering grip of death’s winter. 

Then, a memory appeared before his mind’s eye. It was so vivid and  _ real _ that he could have sworn he was living it all over again.

“Flowers…” he whispered. “I… remember fields of flowers,” his eyes glistened as he plucked memories like petals from the wilting flower of his mind. “Red ones, and white ones, too... I remember how soft the grass felt under my feet, and how warm the sun was on my skin, and...” 

Against all odds, a modicum of feeling broke through the husk of himself as a single tear rolled down his cheek. 

“I remember someone,” he whispered. “Someone by my side.”

Another tear gently rolled down his other cheek. “What was his name?...”

He wracked every inch of his forlorn brain. He simply couldn’t remember--there were no more memories to recall, no petals left to pluck.

“And what the hell did he look like?!” he sobbed as he punched the downy bed beneath him in frustration.

He cried and cried for what felt like hours. He would have given anything to see his lover’s face or to  _ know his name  _ again. Instead, he’d given up everything to forget him and everything that came with life—all the joy, the pain, and  _ feelings _ that were starting to fade away. It wasn’t long before numbness began to overtake him once again.

“You… whoever you are, I left you behind,” the boy choked out as he wept. “But if you ever come here, please…” he let out a quivering sigh. “...come and find me lying in the bed I’ve made.” 

And with this final plea, he succumbed to the sweet release of sleep once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man...... this one was a doozy to write. I hope you somehow enjoyed it. You can follow me on twitter/tumblr (lyndinjunes) for updates! 
> 
> I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


	11. wait for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souji makes his way through the underground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by "Wait For Me" from the Hadestown soundtrack.
> 
> May I offer you a drop of fluff in this ocean of angst?

“Can you hear me, boy? Wake.  _ Up. _ ”

Souji shook himself awake; without a moment's hesitation, he sprung to his feet and assumed a defensive position. 

“Who’s there?”  He surveyed his room carefully, but he failed to find the source of the voice. 

“Easy there, I’m not here to hurt you. Check the headphones, Wild Card." 

Sure enough, the tinny voice was sounding through Yosuke's headphones on his desk; he made his way over to the table and placed them over his ears. 

“I’m Mister Hermes. You don’t gotta be scared.”

Souji’s eyes flew open wide— it was just the man he and Orpheus were looking for. 

“Mister Hermes!” Orpheus cried from within in his mind. 

“Heeeey, the big artiste!,” Hermes quipped. “Good to see you, but there’s no time for chit chat. I’m here because  _ you’re  _ meant to be Yosuke’s hero, Wild Card. See, I’ve taken a liking to the boy, and I’d like for you to break him out of the hell he’s found himself in.” 

Souji’s eyes flew open wide. “You mean… I really  _ can  _ save him?"

"Mmmhm," Hermes hummed. 

"But… where _is_ he?”

“Down below, boy. Six feet under the ground below, in a place called Hadestown— or, Hades, for short.” 

Souji winced painfully at the thought of his partner being trapped in the underworld, a place without a single shred of light or hope. “And… I can go there to find him?”

“ _ Sure _ ,” Hades cooed; though Souji couldn’t see him, he could practically hear his sarcastic scowl. "But lemme tell you somethin’, Wild Card… I’m not convinced  _ you  _ can be the hero he needs.”

Souji gritted his teeth. “Why do you say that?” 

“You weren’t there for him when he  _ left _ , were you? Doesn’t inspire much confidence, y’know.”

“I… I  _ was  _ there, by his bedside when he...” 

“Oh sure, you were  _ there _ … but you were asleep. You didn’t  _ hear _ , Wild Card," he taunted. 

Souji gulped. “H-hear what?” 

“Oho, I’ll tell you, boy," Hermes hissed. "He called _your_ _name_ before he went but… I guess you weren’t listenin’.” 

Souji’s jaw fell open as he drew in a horrified gasp of air. He had hoped against all hope that Yosuke slipped away peacefully, blissfully unaware of his own demise. To think that he had cried out for him as he passed away, that he'd been perfectly aware of how _alone_ he was in his final moments… it was more than enough to draw tears from Souji on the spot. 

“No…” he whispered as he wept. 

“So  _ sad _ , right?" Hermes tutted. "Y’know, Orpheus did the same damn thing— he was too busy writing his song to see that the love of his life had slipped away from him. Hell, I had to _tell him_ that she'd died! Their story didn’t end so well, and somethin’ tells me yours won’t end any different.”

“Hermes, stop it…” Orpheus pleaded with a quivering voice. 

“Oh, you got somethin' to say now?" Hermes chided. "Brother, what do you care? Unlike you, the Wild Card'll find another muse somewhere. ”

“ _ Stop it _ ,” Souji hissed, balling his fists so tightly that his knuckles blanched and his fingernails dug painfully into his palms. 

“Fine, fine… But that doesn’t change what I said. You’ll move on; it’s not like he was anything  _ special _ to you, was he, Wild Card? You got plenty of other cards up your sleeve, don't you boy?

“No, that’s… that’s _not_ _ true _ !" Souji roared tearfully into the darkness of his empty room. "There’s never been someone more special to me than Yosuke! I... I was too much of a coward to tell him how I felt while he was still here... and now, I’ll do  _ anything  _ to bring him back so I can show him how much he means to me!”

“Is that right—  _ anything _ ?” Hermes retorted. “So, just how far would you go for him?”

Souji glared at nothing in particular, his eyes glistening with resolve. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’d go to the end of time for Yosuke— to the end of the  _ earth _ .”

“Tch... You got a ticket to Hadestown, though?” 

“...No,” Souji muttered. 

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” Hermes snickered. “‘Course, there  _ is _ another way, but… naaaah, I ain’t s’posed to say.” 

Souji fell to his knees, as if to plead with the god speaking through his headphones like he were standing before him.  “Please, _please_ tell me— I’m begging you!” Souji’s voice broke with shameless desperation. 

“Tell him, Hermes. Let him try, just like I did,” Orpheus begged; there was something so pressing and almost  _ nostalgic _ in his plea. 

“...Fine. Get up, boy,” he said, willing Souji to his feet. “Lemme  _ show  _ you— take a seat, Wild Card.”

Souji obliged, gingerly taking his usual spot on the couch. 

The TV screen flickered to life with a burst of static, and the image quickly came into sharp focus— it was the Yasoinaba Station. The shot slowly zoomed in until it reached a TV set within the station; the scene distorted, just as the screen did whenever they entered the television. Then, the shot became so dark that he couldn’t make out anything meaningful through the sinister blackness. 

“Y’see, there  _ is  _ another way. Around the back— but that ain’t easy walkin’, jack,” Hermes admonished. “It ain’t for the sensitive of souls, so do you  _ really  _ wanna go?” 

Souji thought of his beloved partner being subjected to such suffocating darkness— it made his heart wilt within his chest like a poppy snuffed out in the shade. “With all my heart,” he said softly. 

“With  _ all  _ your heart…” Hermes echoed, more than a bit sarcastically. “Well, that’s a start.” 

Souji focused his attention back on the television, as he’d noticed that a figure had taken shape. The shot began to brighten gradually, until Souji was finally able to discern a familiar figure—a battered blonde boy curled up in a trembling ball against a daunting brick wall.

“ _ Teddie?! _ ” Souji cried. “Wh-what’s he doing there?” 

“Beats me. I guess you’d better save him too while you’re at it, don’tcha think?”

Hermes snapped his fingers decisively. 

* * *

Souji shot up from his lying position, flailing until his sheets relinquished their hold on him and panting wildly as he did. The roaring of rain on the roof overwhelmed his senses; he glanced feverishly at his clock, which read 12:03 AM in an offensively bright light. Had Souji been… dreaming? He was sure he’d been awake during his conversation with Hermes... But it didn’t matter, he remembered— there was a dire situation at hand. 

Souji sprung to his feet, threw his window open and clamored onto the rain-slick roof without a second thought; he quickly jumped to the ground and bounded toward the station through the cover of night. He hadn’t thought to call his friends or even grab his phone before he left— this was something he’d resolved to do alone. 

He arrived in a matter of minutes; it almost felt like he was flying on feathered feet. He soared through the lobby with breakneck speed, stopping short before the very same television screen he had seen in his dream. 

He took a pause, bending over to grip his knees and gasping in desperate breaths. “Wait for me, Teddie, Yosuke— I’m coming.” 

Without another moment’s hesitation, he threw himself through the black void of the screen.  He found himself surrounded by a suffocating darkness, feeling nothing but the chill of the musty air around him. 

“Welcome to the underground, Wild Card.”

Souji turned about, immediately beholding a gallant figure holding a worn iron lantern, which shone just brightly enough for Souji to ascertain his surroundings; he found himself in a tunnel with a train track that stretched endlessly into the impenetrable darkness. 

“You’ll be on your way then, boy. Take this with you,” Hermes said, thrusting the lantern into Souji’s clammy hands. 

“So I just… follow the tracks?”

“Oh no, you gotta do more than that. Y’see, there’s  _ lots  _ of things down here that would love to get their hands on living flesh like yours; you gotta keep your wits about you. And whatever you do, Wild Card…” Hermes admonished. 

Souji gulped. 

“Don’t. Look. Back." 

"Don't... look back?"

"Don’t ask why— just  _ don’t _ . And don’t give your name to nobody; names have _power_ down here.”

“O-okay... I swear I won’t, Mr. Hermes.” Souji wondered why, but he wasn’t about to press the matter. 

“I can’t follow you or they’ll find you in a heartbeat, but I’ll find you when the time is right. Now you better  _ go,  _ Wild Card.” 

Souji gave a resolute nod, and set off on the ominous odyssey laid before him.

He heard nothing but the echo of his footsteps through the cavernous tunnel; beyond the reach of his lantern’s dim glow, the darkness was so profound and vacuous that it seemed to suck the soul out of him. He shuddered against the cold, damp air that reeked of earth and rusted metal. The cold void swallowed him up more and more with each step, until he felt utterly, inevitably alone. 

“You  _ aren’t  _ alone, Souji,” Orpheus reminded him, though his voice almost sounded distant within the far reaches of his mind. 

Souji desperately wanted to listen to him, to  _ believe _ him, but he found the empty space in his mind overtaken by distorted, insidious whispers from the void through which he walked. 

_ ‘Who are you?’ _

He didn't answer.

_ ‘Where do you think you’re going?’  _

He said nothing; they didn't need to know. But if he were honest with himself, did _he_ know where he was going?

_ 'Who are you?' _

Names have power. You can't give your name. 

_ ‘Why are you all alone?’  _

That's right... where had Orpheus gone? He _was_ alone now, wasn't he?

_ ‘Who do you think you are?’ _

_ "I'm Souji Seta,"  _ he desperately wanted to scream, lest he forget who he was entirely. 

_ ‘Who are you to walk a road that no one ever walked before?’  _

They were right. Who would dare to be so alive as he walked the road meant for the souls of the dead? 

Their grating whispers bounced around his head, incessant and nothing short of absolutely maddening. He wanted to tell them whatever they wanted to hear to shut them up, to drown out their whispers with his blood-curdling screams, to let his brain melt and wash them away entirely— anything to make them  _ stop _ . He fell to his knees, the lantern clattering to the ground as his hands flew to the sides of his head. He dug the heel of his palms into his ears with so much sheer pressure that it felt like his head could pop at any moment. And yet, he could  _ still  _ hear them, taunting him until there was nothing left in his mind but fear and despair. 

_ 'Turn around.' _

He stopped in his tracks, ready to turnabout and face the onslaught of whispers that had been tormenting him. 

“ _ Souji!  _ Listen to me!” Orpheus gave a muted cry from the deep reaches of his mind. “The _ headphones,  _ Souji! _ ”  _

That’s right— he still had Yosuke’s headphones wrapped around his neck. He slipped them over his ears, and was greeted with a familiar melody; the quaint instrumentation started to fend off the whispers, but the cacophony still scratched at the very edges of his hearing.

“Th-they’re still there…” he whimpered. “And… maybe they’re right. Who do I think I am, defying the laws of nature and death like this? And who am I to do it all alone?” 

“You  _ aren’t  _ alone, Souji— I might not be walking at your side, but I’m here,” Orpheus assured him. “Remember who you’re doing this for? Teddie and Yosuke need you, Souji. And when all else fails, you have your  _ song _ .”

“M-my song?" he sputtered. "What good is that to me now?” 

“It’s not just any song— it’s a song manifested from your true love for Yosuke,” Orpheus explained. “In a place like this, full of monsters that prey on hopelessness, your song is  _ everything _ . Listen— listen and  _ remember  _ where the song was first written in your heart.” 

“Remember…” Souji whispered. And then, another flashback struck him like a train on a track. 

It was the end of a typical school day, not too long after Souji had arrived in Inaba. He was walking home, when a boy on a dilapidated bike zoomed past him.  The boy crashed into a heap of garbage, falling right into an unfortunately placed trash can. He tried to yell for help, but his cries were muffled by bulging plastic bags filled with god only knows what; he must have figured flailing wildly would suffice.

Souji couldn’t just leave him there, right? 

“Need some help?” he asked coolly as he approached the desperate scene.

“ _ Dhh, yhhh hh dhh! _ ” Yosuke yelped, all meaning completely obscured by heaps of trash. 

Souji didn’t speak trash language, but he grabbed Yosuke firmly by the hips just the same. Yosuke gasped as he was pulled out of the bin, both from surprise at the other boy’s grip and simply because he could take in a gulp air that didn’t smell or taste like  _ literal _ garbage. Once he’d caught his breath, Yosuke turned to face the valiant hero who had saved him from a certain, smelly death. 

"Hey, thanks so _much_ , man!" 

When their eyes finally met, Souji was overtaken by a tempest of emotion that set his heart aflutter. The boy’s eyes were still full of shock from the trash debacle, but they were the richest chestnut brown beneath the daintiest eyelashes Souji had ever seen. His spiky hair was sullied with grime and sticky candy wrappers, but it looked incredibly soft and shiny in spite of the muck. His jawbone tapered to his chin in a way that drew the eyes down to his lips— lips that Souji had an inexplicable urge to capture with his own. 

There were no  _ words _ for the way that he felt— what he did feel, though, was his heart humming a distant melody in his chest. It was almost as if it were compelling him to open his mouth and  _ sing,  _ though he swallowed the urge and opted to stare in dazzlement. 

Souji finally realized that he’d been drowning in the boy’s caramel eyes for eons and hadn't said anything, so he did his best to muster up a perfectly casual response to the perfect, trash-covered stranger he’d fallen in love with. 

“...Come home with me?” 

“Wh-what?” the boy panted, looking even more flustered than before. “...Who are you?”

“The guy who saved you from the trash," Souji deadpanned. 

“Well,  _ duh _ ! I meant like, your _name_ , dude!!” 

“Oh. I’m Souji— Souji Seta. I just transferred here from Tokyo.”

“Ah, cool! Nice to see a fellow city boy in this backwater hick town," he said with a grin. "I’m Yosuke Hanamura." 

“Your name is like a ray of sunshine,” Souji replied with an earnest smile.

“Uh… thanks?” Yosuke said, tousling his hair in an effort to dislodge some trash from his locks. “And um... thanks for rescuing me too. You really saved my sorry ass.” 

“Not a problem,” Souji cast an evaluative glance at Yosuke’s battered bike. “Looks like you could use a new set of wheels. Or maybe a new bike altogether.”

“Man, I was thinking the same thing right before my close encounter with a freaking heap of trash...” Yosuke groaned, followed by a flicker of confusion that flitted across his face. “But uh, what were you saying earlier? Something about... going home with you?”

Souji felt a nervous blush bloom across his cheeks, and he silently prayed to whatever gods could hear that it was subtle. “W-well, I figured you might need to freshen up a bit, and my house isn’t too far from here. You could shower and I can throw your uniform in the wash, if you want.”

“Y’know,” Yosuke interjected, slumping over and retching as he caught a whiff of his jacket. “Yeah, I think I’ll take you up on that; my place is all the way across town, and I _really_ don't want my parents to give me a hard time for this... Thanks, man.”

“Happy to help,” Souji replied with the ghost of a surprised smile on his lips. “I think we’re in the same class, too— do you want to study together while we’re at it?”

“Honestly? That’s the  _ last  _ thing I wanna do,” he whined. “But maybe having a study partner will make it better?”

“It’ll be better than getting stuck in a trash can, that’s for sure,” Souji remarked, his eyes gleaming with barely contained joy and a hint of mischief. “ And I  _ do  _ make quite a good study partner.” 

Yosuke gave him a light punch in the arm, then shot him a smile so bright and brilliant that it could be a stand-in for the sun itself. “Fine, I’m sold— let’s go, partner.”

The flashback ended as quickly as it had struck. 

Souji smiled warmly, nostalgic tears gracing his cheeks all the while. It truly was the moment it had all begun— the tune truly had been there from the moment he saw Yosuke. He returned his focus to the song playing through Yosuke's headphones, relishing in the newly recalled melody as it played above the mellow piano and guitar. It sounded something like a voice, though it was wordless; it felt as if the absent lyrics were on the tip of Souji’s tongue, but no words came out when he tried to sing along. 

With a heavy sigh, he took up his lantern and stumbled to his feet. He pressed on, humming softly along with the mysterious voice ringing in his ears all the while. The song was enough to soothe his troubled soul and hush the treacherous whispers that had been gnawing at his sanity. 

All but one of the whispers, that is. 

_ ‘Turn around— look.’  _

As much as he wanted to look, he didn’t capitulate to the low, monstrous growl; he’d come too far to throw everything away for curiosity’s sake. 

_ ‘Are you listening?’  _

As much as he tried not to, he couldn’t help but listen and ponder the danger this disembodied voice posed. Why had Mr. Hermes told him not to look back? And what  _ was _ behind him? The disquieting questions buzzed between his ears; Souji hummed his song louder in an effort to quiet his mind. 

_ ‘I’m right behind you.’  _

The rocks and stones seemed to echo his song, drowning out the lone whisper every time it tried to seep into his ears. When the voice would return, he would hum louder and louder until his song could fend it off once more. 

He walked tirelessly for what felt like hundreds upon hundreds of miles, too restless to stop trudging onward, until he finally hit a wall—  _ the  _ wall. The tunnel had opened up into a massive earthen dome; the wall itself was lined with mounted torches that cast the cavern in a dingy, sinister glow. Amongst the flickering shadows, he spotted the blond boy he’d been searching for with his head hung between shaking knees. 

“Teddie!” Souji cried, dropping his lantern as he rushed to meet him. 

Teddie looked up at Souji with bleary, bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “S-sensei?...” he called weakly. The idea of a smile ghosted across his lips, but his expression was quickly possessed by sheer  _ terror.  _

“S-sensei—  _ bear-hind you _ !” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE ARE HALFWAY THROUGH THE ROAD TO HELL Y'ALL AAAAAA!!!


End file.
